Manic Mom's Mental Myriads

Stop by and have a laugh from Manic Mom's Mental Myriads on Motherhood, and some other stuff too, but mostly motherhood, wifehood, thoughts on writing, etc. No politics will be discussed here or geography, and I will not be solving any mathematical equations. Just some BS on whatever I feel like blogging on...

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Home Sweet Home

It's good to go on a vacation, and it's good to get home from a vacation. Some of the highlights, which may or may not be expanded upon in a later post:

Our nine hour stay at the airport while we waited for weather to clear up so we could take off. Flight supposed to leave at 2:45 p.m. We didn't get to Fla until 1:00 a.m.

Conversations from people we will not reveal here about masterbation, and how significant other walked in, saw "the act" and was asked to assist in the grand finale, but had to decline for reasons I will not reveal here either. It was a hilarious conversation though, and brought back childhood memories our family likes to refer to as the time when "we used to hug the pool jets."

Ajer chokes on a (ready for this one?) Easter LIFESAVER candy while 15 people stand around. I attempt to get it out of his throat, first by yelling at him: ARE YOU JOKING, YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT? as he spews spit, is unable to breathe and is utilizing the universal symbol for "Help me I'm choking!" by clutching his throat and rolling his eyes into the back of his head. Fortunately, Life Hero (aka his Uncle) came to the rescue and performed the heimlich on him.

Reuniting with my best friend of sophomore year in high school ShakkaConna, after not corresponding for close to twenty years, not by some falling out, just because we got busy with other things in life. It was great seeing her, and I wish now I would have contacted The Learning Channel's Reunion show to follow us through our reunion because I could so see the camera crew set up in the little Thai restaurant we had lunch in. She and I were notably dorks in high school that sophomore year, and even invented a secret language where every word we spoke started with the letter W. For instance: We Ware Woing Wo Weh Wore Woday. Wo Wou Want Wo Wome With Wus? (Do you need a translation?)Another hightlight of our friendship: Valentine's day that year at school, she and I color-coordinated our outfits. I wore pastel pink pants, she wore white ones. I wore a white top, she wore a pink top. And since we walked the halls together to most of our classes, everyone had to know we were complete dorks, but isn't this the fun stuff memories are made of? We also enjoyed each and every Friday night together, where we would sit at either her house or mine and watch The Love Boat and then Fantasy Island. And, I imagine, if we could stay awake that long, we probably watched Friday Night Videos as well. (Any of you remember that show? It was like the first music video show, and probably existed before MTV.) Anyway, ShakkaConna has not changed a bit, except to get cuter and toner, and I'm so glad we're back in touch! Shout out to ya babe!

Diva and I take a shower just yesterday evening, which is the first shower of the week for her, and I have to admit, her hair was becoming reminscint of Avril Lavigne because it hadn't been brushed or washed for so long. We probably could have given her dreadlocks. So, into Nana's huge shower we go. I turn on the water, and we both freeze for a substantial amount of time before I yell out to my mother: DOES IT WARM UP? She yelled back: YES, BUT IT TAKES A REALLY LONG TIME. Ten minutes later, Diva and I are in the shower, still freezing, and singing a song that we were in Stupidville and this was the stupidest shower in the whole wide world. I scream back out to mom: IT'S STILL FREEZING! She comes into the bathroom, opens the shower door, while I use Diva as a shield to protect my nakedness from my mother. She looks at the faucet and says:
You have it turned completely to cold.

What?

I've been showering/bathing for almost 36 years and I turned on the water to cold, thinking to the right was hot, and to the left was cold.

So, Diva and I start warming up as soon as I turned the knob to the left, and begin a new song:

Mom is soooo stupid. How can I be soooo stupid! I'm an idiot!

Other hightlights: throwing up in the middle of the night after Easter--way too many treats eaten--I started the morning with a breakfast of, no lie, five or six brownies. Why? Because they were there. The day continued with some jelly beans, M&Ms, but no Peeps, because I think those are the stupidest candies in the entire world. The rest of the day included eating four or five pedifore cakes, squares of orange cake, cream-cheese cupcakes, egg shaped cookies, and an assortment of other crap I've pushed out of my mind because just the thought may make me sick again.

Flight home was much more uneventful than our journey to Tampa. I had a ventinonfatsugarfreeicedvanillalattewithwhip before we got on the plane, and then, as I popped the requisite two Xanax before boarding, I thought to myself that maybe the caffeine from the venti might counteract the much needed relaxing effects of the Xanax. Flight got a little bumpy midway through, so I popped another Xanax. If I'm going down, I want to have the feelings of like, "Oh well, down she goes." Fortunately, that didn't happen.

More later, I guess, but I'm going up to bed now. Hope your Easters and Spring Breaks were as exciting as mine! It's good to be back--missed you all!

Saturday, March 26, 2005

1 a.m.

That's the time we arrived in Fla. Our flight was supposed to leave at 2:45 p.m. We spent over nine hours in the airport, and over $130 sustaining the family while we waited for the weather to clear. Part of that money went to sustaining me with alcohol. Scott was calling me Malibu Mama. When we finally got on the plane at 9:15 p.m., I swallowed two Xanax, which I probably should have started taking at half-hour intervals from the time we got to the airport, and we were airborn and headed to Fla. That's it, we're here, and the kids are completely waterlogged already. More later, maybe.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Pre-Travel Update

Okay, so far I've slammed a grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalatte, Scott and I have barked at each other five times; he's telling me it's a "Classic Overpack" for the kids. Please tell me, how many of you can pack three kids' clothing for a week into one (YES, I SAID ONE!) relatively mediocre sized suitcase. Let him try to remember everything! I have a friend, dear S., same said friend who helped me with the puke taxi incident, who has packed EIGHTEEN, yes EIGHTEEN pairs of shorts for her daughter, (who's seven) for one week in Florida, and whom I will be getting drunk with tonight as she will be joining us at Family Hedonism aka my parents' home in Florida.

Time to pop the Xanax. Wonder what will happen if I take two?

Happy Easter!
Will try to update from Sunny Florida, if I'm not too busy drowning myself!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Finding An Ex - How, Why and What Happened

Reconnected! I Found My Ex Online
By Stephanie Elliot
January 13, 2004

It was happening again. I was hovering in a foggy sleep where reality and fantasy intertwine. I was this close to kissing his lips. I could feel his breath on my eyelashes and see my reflection in his eyes. Faintly, a baby whimpers. He’s coming closer, wrapping me up in his arms. He’s stringing his fingers through my hair, caressing my auburn locks. The baby’s whimpers turn into cries. I feel a nudge on my shoulder. “Get up, the baby’s crying and it’s your turn.” My husband, my baby, my dream is OVER!

After consistently waking up aroused from dreams starring my ex-boyfriend, I knew I either had to quit dreaming or do something extraordinary. It was time to take action.

I was going to search out my ex, and I was going to do it online.

My “relationship” with Joel* was more off again than on again. But when it was on, it was way on, and basically consisted of sex… really, really good sex. And that was pretty much the extent of it. I wondered if we really even liked each other, and if what we were doing could even be considered dating. We never got past that tentative stage where you always said and did the right things. I don’t think we ever really felt like ourselves with each other unless we were naked. Then all relationship rules were broken and we were blissfully oblivious to anything but each other’s nakedness. Fortunately, we were naked a lot.

But, unfortunately, a relationship can’t really be based on just sex and things ended just when I was starting to feel more for Joel. Things just kind of fizzled, and without much closure. And because of that, old memories and newly invented ones kept interrupting me at night, now more than a decade later.

There was something about Joel, out of the handful of boyfriends that I had had, that kept me preoccupied with him. I wondered where he lived, what kind of job he had, was he married, did he have kids. Was he lonely and wishing that I was still in his life? I imagined him pleading with me to leave my husband and children and go to a deserted island with him where we could have sex all day long, drink from coconuts and swim in the blue lagoon as Christopher Atkins and Brooke Shields had done. I couldn’t wait to turn him down.

These dreams, while exciting, were invading my sleep and I thought if I found Joel the dreams would end. I knew I had to handle this situation carefully with all parties involved - first and foremost, my husband.

I felt it only appropriate to get Scott’s go-ahead before I began my search. If he would have said, “I really wish you wouldn’t pursue this kind of insanity,” then I would have quietly gone back to spending time with Joel in my dreams.

But Scott simply said, “Go nuts. What’s for dinner?”

I think he felt that since we had moved 800 miles from where this affair took place he didn’t fear me finding Joel and leading him to the nearest Holiday Inn.

And so, the search began.

I searched missing persons websites and I logged on to classmates.com, not even sure what school Joel had attended. He was very illusive, even back then. After typing his name into various search engines and websites, I discovered switchboard.com. I typed in his last name, first initial, and the midwestern state we had both lived in.

BINGO!

The match that I figured had to be Joel indicated he no longer lived where I thought he did, but was still in the area. I typed the address listed into a real estate website and discovered it was a town home community. If he lived in a townhouse, he surely didn’t have a family yet and was still longing for me! Oh, the wonders of the Internet! The listing included his phone number, which I put to memory immediately.

A couple weeks after I found out Joel’s info, I called him. I didn’t want to speak to him; I just wanted more information. If a woman answered, or a child, then I would know he had a wife and family.

It was a Saturday night, the kids were in bed, Scott was out playing poker, and I had just finished a bottle of Merlot. I dialed Joel’s number hoping for the answering machine because who, aside from me, stays home on a Saturday evening?

My heart pounded. One ring… two rings… three… a machine! Thank God!

“Hi, I’m not home right now. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Thanks.”

I’m Not Home.

I hung up, elated to hear Joel’s voice. He sounded a little older, a little tired. Maybe the sadness I heard in his message was because he had never recovered from losing his one true love years ago! It was perfectly clear that he was single, or at best living alone, and that he had been unable to replace me.

Then, guilt set in. I would tell Scott of my close and dangerous brush with infidelity.

“Honey, I found Joel’s number and I called him.” I told him later that night.

“Who’s Joel?” Scott asked.

I’m showing signs of irritability at this point. Doesn’t he ever listen to me? “He’s the ex I’ve been dreaming about!”

“Oh. Did you talk to him?”

“No, I got his machine and it sounded like he lives alone. Isn’t that great?” I chirped.

He didn’t chide me for swooning. He just asked, “What if he has caller I.D. and he calls here?” My rationale husband was always pointing out the obvious. I thought Caller I.D. worked only within the state a person called from. Ugh, now I was in trouble.

For the next week, I was terrified to answer the phone because WE are the only people in the United States who do not have Caller I.D. so to find out who’s calling, I actually have to answer the phone. When I finally realized that Joel wasn’t calling me, I began to think about my next move.

The holidays were coming and I thought it would be the perfect time to send Joel a simple greeting. People get Christmas cards from old friends all the time and so I wrote and rewrote one until it was just right. I wanted it to sound casual and light, yet intriguing, making him want to contact me.

Dear Joel,

How’s this for a blast from the past? I hope you remember me from way back when. I moved to the East Coast three years ago and was talking to Kimberly the other day – remember Kim? Your name came up so I thought I’d look you up to see how you’re doing.

I just wanted to wish you a happy holiday and I would love to hear from you – it’s been 12 years! If you’d like to catch up, I’ve included my email address.

Merry Christmas!

With Fond Memories,

Stephanie

Light and cheery, a harmless note! I sent it off and hoped he would contact me.

Christmas came and went. I was so wrapped up in the festivities that Joel was beginning to feel like what he was - a distant memory. That’s when it happened.

YOU’VE GOT MAIL!

I recognized his name and sucked in all the air I could before I opened his message.

From: Joel
To: Stephanie
Sent: Thursday, December 27, 2001, 2:21 p.m.
Subject: Hello

Well hello there. I was given your Christmas card the other day, it was actually sent to my dad. Perhaps you should seek a refund from your detective.

It was surprising to hear from you but nice to be remembered after all this time. I have heard little bits about you over the years. I think you married a football player and had a child, is that so?

My life has taken a few different turns over the years. I live in Seattle and am a priest in a missionary out here. I really enjoy it here and all the gifts I find in my life everyday.

I would like to learn more of your life so please send an email when you have a chance.

Take Care,
Joel

That explains why the voice on the machine sounded so tired and old… I hadn’t called Joel; I had called his dad! Then I laughed out loud at his joke about becoming a priest. He could never have been a candidate for priesthood unless he did years of repenting! He had had such a wry sense of humor, which was part of the reason I had been so attracted to him.

What next? Do I tell Scott? If I don’t tell him, am I officially conducting unfaithful business here? Is this how an online affair begins? Is this considered cheating? If I don’t tell Scott and he sees the emails, will he think I’m having an affair? I felt so guilty and I hadn’t done anything other than send an old friend a Christmas card. A card that my husband had read for typos before I mailed!

I told Scott about the email that night. He knew that I needed to get this little itch scratched so he didn’t ask me not to respond to Joel’s email. Plus, he now knew that Joel had moved to Seattle, making him practically a whole country away.

Joel and I began our correspondence, sending emails a couple times a week. I was cautious as to what I told him, and it was obvious he was also sharing only what he felt necessary. We joked; talked about old friends we both knew, and kept things light.

Little by little, truths came out, pictures were exchanged; questions about our relationship were asked and answered, openly and honestly. He said he did not remember much of our time together and told me that he had been dating another girl the same time he was having sex with me. I told him that I had remembered everything because I documented it all in tear-stained journal entries, heavy-hearted and desperate for more attention. I reminded him of places we had gone (art museum, bowling, the park), where we had had sex (art museum, bowling alley, the park). As we chatted online about the past, we also began to talk about the present.

He had a wife (a pregnant, tiny, cute one), he loved Seattle, was successful in his career, and happy in his marriage. We laughed about old times, and I harassed him for being what I then thought was a jerk. Now, looking back, I realized he was just twenty years old, and what do twenty-year-olds know?

At this point in the online dialogue, Joel and I started Instant Messaging each other. These emails were more chatty and informal, like two friends talking on the phone.

One night, I was attending a school function for my son, and my husband was home and online. An Instant Message popped up. This is when my husband met my ex.

Joel: Hello there.

Scott decided to see where this went and emailed back: Hi.

Joel: Where are the pictures you were going to send me?

Scott: What pictures? (Was he expecting him to say nude photos?)

Joel: The pictures of your sister and her baby.

Scott (letting Joel in on his identity): My sister doesn’t have a baby.

Joel: Scott?

Scott: Yep.

Joel: Sorry to bother you, I thought it was Steph.

Scott: No problem, I was just looking up directions for a golf club I’m playing at tomorrow.

Joel: Well, shoot a low score. Bye.

And with that, Joel clicked offline.

Scott relayed the story to me, laughing, “I think I scared away your boyfriend.” At first, I didn’t know if Scott had emailed anything inappropriate, but he insisted that he hadn’t. My husband had met my ex online and was reassured that there was nothing suspicious going on. Fortunately, Joel wasn’t scared away from his run-in with Scott and he and I have continued our conversations now for almost a year.

If you had hoped this story would end with a torrid and steamy online affair, I’m happy to report that Joel and I have gone one step further. Now, we are what we had never been when we were together. We are friends. We’ve formed a relationship in which we are comfortable in our correspondence and are inquisitive and genuinely interested in each other’s lives. We offer each other advice, sympathy, support and laughter. It’s a wonderful relationship and I never thought that rediscovering my ex would introduce me to such a compassionate and kind friend.

I just wonder if his wife knows about us?

# # #

*Name changed for privacy

Post-script (3-24-05) We have since broken up, in fact it's been (OMG) 2-1/2 years since we last emailed. The reason we stopped being in touch? I told him I was writing an 'essay' on how we got reconnected, he FREAKED, said if something like this ever got published, it would be bad, bad, bad. Then he wanted me to call him so he could explain. I said, "Emailing and IMing is one thing, but talking on the phone takes it just one step further" and I wasn't about to deceive my husband that way. Interestingly enough, I have moved back to the state we met, and when I last talked to him, he didn't think he would be living in Seattle (okay, it was really California--Laguna to be exact) forever because his wife missed home (which is here, where I live NOW). I have told Scott "Mark my words, I will run into him someday." I just hope it's a day when I've decided to use some of that new makeup I've got sitting in the cabinet upstairs and my hair looks really, really good!

Another Post-script: His name wasn't really Joel, it was Joe. How's that for keeping things anonymous? And now, if anyone knows a Joe, married to a Tracy in Laguna, with at least one daughter, three years old. This is about him, and them, and HA Joe, now the story is out there for THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ. (Feel free to forward)

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Dell and Me

Can you get like, vertigo or something from spending too much time with the Dell? He and I were more intimate today than Hubby and I have been in a while. In fact, I think I need to break up with Dell, I've been shirking my duties as Mother Extraordinaire, and this house is a pit.

Things I Did and Things I Didn't Do Today

I didn't take a shower.
I didn't fold the laundry.
I did eat alone at KFC.
I didn't order a venti.
I did order a grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalatte.
I didn't drink enough water.
I didn't exercise.
I did spend WAY too much time with Dell.
I did watch Kim vacuum my stairs.
I didn't help.
I did take the kids to see Racing Stripes (cute--I thought it was going to be animated)
I didn't put on any makeup.
I did kiss my husband.
I did engage in family group hug, even though Diva pouted.
I did yell extremely loud at Kid#1 and Kid#2 when they started arguing the minute we got home from the movie.
I did surf the Blogs.
I did edit a shitload of pages today.
I didn't work on my BZ newsletter--the job I get paid for.
I don't think I peed today.
I did update my website.
I didn't figure out how to get damn pictures up here yet.
I do think I'll go to bed now.
I do wish you a good night.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Website Update

I've just updated my website with some new information and a new excerpt from 40 Weeks for anyone who's got nothing better to do! 'GRIN'
http://stephanieelliot.com/
http://www.stephanieelliot.com

Bloody Feet and Tattoos

If you wanted to see the pictures, email me at henhowz@comcast.net with the subject line: PHOTOS and I'll email them to you. I have been trying to download HELLO for the past sixteen hours and am about to yank all the plugs out of my computer and call it a day, and it's 9:07 a.m. And there are a million and ten other things I can be, and should be, doing right now as we're leaving on Friday.

ACKCHKKKK!!!!!!!!!!! I'm an internet idiot.

.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Husband

Scott and I are sitting in my office, discussing our upcoming family vacation and out of the blue he says, "I am genuinely in love with you, dude."

While he wasn't searching deeply into my eyes, or holding my hands ever so softly, and even though he called me "Dude," it was a real nice thing for him to say, and the way he said it made me truly, truly believe it so I smiled really big and told him that was very nice of him, and that I was going to Blog it.

Then I asked, "How exactly did you just say that again?" because I wanted to get the words down the right way.

And he said, "Forget it. The moment's over."

Dude.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Weekend Fun With Wax

Well, since I'm kind of on the non-drinking bandwagon, (Ok, I did have a few last night but was able to COMPLETELY function today--YAY!) we had to come up with new ways to enjoy ourselves over the weekend.

At a friend's house last night, after dinner, we three moms (sounds like a sitcom, huh?) were hanging out at the dining room table while the guys were watching those basketball games--final fours or whatever.

There was a candle on the table. I like candle wax and started dipping the tips of my fingers into the wax, letting it dry and then peeling the tips off and putting the wax back in the candle to melt. Of course, I try to do this when no children are around so they don't know that it actually IS fun to play with fire.

So I rehashed a story about something I did in college with a boy and a candle and some wax that involved a one-year anniversary and some champagne and some *ahem* body parts. I told them that it really doesn't hurt, but it does kind of hurt but in a good-hurt kinda way. We all then decided that maybe we would attempt home hand parafin waxes. My friend just happened to have a crock pot handy and we threw in a bunch of already melted down candles, turned the pot on and stirred it up until the wax was all melty and hot.

Then, we took turns dipping our hands into the hot, yes, very hot, wax, and screamed until it cooled, then laughed and after it would dry, we would pull the fingers off and have actual wax moldings of our fingers and hands. And, yes, in case you are wondering, this was fun.

I happened to have my digital camera with so we started dripping the wax onto our feet and pouring it onto our toes to do feet parafin too. I took a couple pictures and I swear to you it looks as if Freddie took an axe to our feet and they had been bleeding profusely. (wax was red obviously). Since I still don't know how to upload the dang pictures, if you want to see a pic of the "bloody" feet and hands, send me your email address and I'll send it to you digially that way. It's hilarious.

We had to stop playing though when the one mom was screaming about the wax so much she frightened her poor little two-year old to death!

However, if you can muffle the screams, this is a very cheap alternative to the expensive spa treatments that cost $50 or more, and your hands and feet, guaranteed, will be smooth and soft, and smelling delightful, as long as you don't get the wax hot enough to cause blisters!

Just another helpful glamour tip from yours truly, Manic Mom!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

There's A First for Everything!

Well, big news for me. I've done TWO things I've never done in my whole entire life practically, and I wanted to share. (and no, you perverts, it's not that! That's already been done, my friends)...

1. I went to a real live cosmetic counter and asked for help! It was a rare move to admit my imperfections in a public venue, but the adorable little cosmetologist with purple eyeshadow, black liner, and blond hair with disturbingly brown roots put me immediately at ease, especially when I asked her if she went to cosmetology school.

"No, but I had to go to some Clinique classes."

Oh my.

So I came away with a rather subtle new look. Warm mink eyeshadow, black/brown eyeliner, 'candy pink' kid you not lipstick--and this is a first for me not to purchase my lipstick from Target, some super-duper lip balm for God knows what reason but I bought it anyway. And, hmmm. I guess that's it. Oh, and a lipliner in Bon Bon shade that makes me look like ... hmmm, maybe a drag queen? Because the damned 'long-lasting' lipstick that runs about $18 a tube don't last very long, but the liner does so I look like a God knows what.

Big shout of to Peggy for getting TWO free gifts at the makeup counter and graciously giving me one of them. And another shout out to GLOSS THIS Blog Gal for inspiring me to do something new with my lips. Stop, you dirty-minded readers you! LIPSTICK and LINER and GLOSS... OH MY!

2. I spent more than I should on some highlights and a new haircut. And amazingly, when I got home, Scott said, "Hey, you got some of those lighty things in your hair." He noticed, he noticed! And it's a good thing he noticed because at least now he'll know why the credit card bill at Zano's is so much higher this time around.

Friday, March 18, 2005

More On Peeing

So, Scott and I were talking about my Blog and I showed him what I wrote about his peeing habits. Twenty minutes later, I'm at the computer, and he goes into the bathroom, pees like a drop, and then FLUSH. Then you know what he said?

"I did that on purpose."

Clown. I can't wait to tell him about the fecal matter that shoots up in his face every time he flushes! Hee hee hee.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Flushing Before You Finish Peeing.

Men, what is up with that?

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Saturday into Sunday [WARNING TMI POST]

It's just a really, really bad sign when you wake up at four a.m. and you are not only naked, but your underwear are next to your head on your pillow, and your contacts are still in, glued to the backs of your eyelids. Then later, when remembering foggy details, you also realize you know that two of the four toilets in your home are Kohler and Bemis brands, and that you demanded that your husband 'get on the bed NOW.' Not that this is the case with me; it is just an example of what a really bad night would be like, right?

What A Nice Day

How about this for putting it all into perspective. Tonight, when I was tucking the kids into bed, AJ hands me his glasses, he jumps into the bottom bunk with Tookie, and says, "I just love my family."

Wow, what did I do to deserve this?

Well, guess I was feeling pretty guilty for my lack of mom behavior on Sunday so to make up for it I've been attempting to be Wonder Mom. I had promised them The Pacifier so we all went on Monday night and it was a very cute movie.

Today, after school, we grabbed their bikes and they rode while I hoofed it all the way to Starbucks (for me) and Cold Stone Creamery (for them, okay, and for me too--hell, I WALKED a lot today! And boy, that cake batter ice cream flavor with a fudge brownie slathered in it really hit the spot!)

So, it was just a very nice day and I was feeling pretty accomplished as a mom. Who knows what tomorrow will bring though, this mom stuff is a roller coaster ride every single day, but at least it's one I love to take!

Working diligently (I hate that word, really) on the novel as my agent is coordinating an upcoming conference and I really want to get it completed, and hopefully someday, published!

So that's all--Happy Hump Day tomorrow. Oh yeah, the kids sometimes say, "Mom, it's humpy day!" Nice.

*Big shout out to the Bunko Gals! Thanks for stopping by!*

Countdown Til Birthday

It's officially less than one month until I officially hit the "just-a-bit-older-but-still-considered-mid-thirties" age, and this morning I started hinting around that my birthday was around the corner and asked Scott if he's given any thought to a gift for me.

"Yeah, a new house, a new computer, a maid, writing classes, yoga classes...."

My reply:
"But that was last year's gift!!!!"

Looks like I'll be getting squat. And that's probably just what I deserve! Maybe with this age thing upon me, I should start asking for some realistic gifts:

Botox, tummy tuck, eye lift, body hair laser...

Speaking of BHL... for those of you still wondering how my trip to Brazil went, I haven't needed to return for a second visit, if ya'll know what I mean? Yep, that was $55 well-worth spent!

Productivity

I got up at up six a.m. today and here is a lit of things I've done so far:

Made scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage and bagels with OJ for Scott and Ajer for breakfast.

Did two loads of laundry (have yet to fold)

Did the 'dread'mill for twenty minutes.

Took a shower.

Shaved my legs the whole way up, officially signalling spring is here, officially meaning that I will now have to shave my legs at least every other day as spring is upon us! And of course, that razor is no longer usable.

Wondered who of my new friends will suddenly think I'm white-trash because with the springtime upon us, my tattooed ankle will soon be revealed to them, further convincing them that they're first impression of me was probably accurate.

Made my bed.

Emptied the diswasher.

Loaded the dishwasher.

Touched up the paint in my office.

Learned how to fold a shirt Japanese style:
(but am incapable of attaching the link here to the video because I am still an idiot when it comes to technology.) --TShirtFolding.mpg (video/mpeg) It was really cool, though, trust me.

Made some phone calls.

Checked emails.

You know, as I was compiling this list in my mind at 7:30 a.m. it had seemed I had done so much more than what I have listed here. Maybe I'm not being all that productive today and should just go back to bed. I could swear there were more things...(there was! I remembered I shaved my legs and that was a HUGE accomplishment so I had to add).

Monday, March 14, 2005

Oops, I Did It Again...

... but this time it did not involve a puke-ladened taxi or a 23-year-old groper.
But another day in the life of Stephanie has magically disappeared due to circumstances well beyond her control. And I'm feeling like a lousy spouse, a lousy mother, a lousy person because of this.

Scott has named my disease. It's classified as A.C.S.

Acute Chardonnay Syndrome.

More later, when the shakes stop.

(And a big shout out to all of you who have offered suggestions on getting pics up here, and for all you guys being so great!)

Saturday, March 12, 2005

I Need To Go To Bed

Someone help me figure out how to link/post a picture on here. I want to show off my tattoo.

A Photo Test

how to add a picture?


Thursday, March 10, 2005

Chocolate.

I am not a sweets person. Give me salty chips and spicy salsa and I'm good all day long, but given the choice, I would definitely not eat a candy bar over a bag of chips.

Then, why in the hell did I scarf down a minimum of 200 M&Ms today, AND... hold on to your hats... seriously, at least 14 double-stuffed Oreos, some cool mint, some just plain old cream. Period, where hath are thou? The tides, they are a coming. When someone suggested that maybe I was suffering from PMS, I thought, Who Me? I never get symptoms. And now, this month, they are exploding in all sorts of directions, leading me dangerously to anything chocolate within a 5 mile radius. I'm scared.

One thing I did today was put like 10 M&Ms into my mouth and sucked on them until they all kind of melded together, then stuck out my tongue, checked out the blackness of my teeth, and then chomped down on the delicious glob of candy. I have never eaten M&Ms this way. In the rare event that I even do eat M&Ms, I (used to be able to, anyway) would seriously take FIVE or SIX, and make them last ten minutes, enjoying one teeny-tiny one at a time. But no, Something bad happened today.

And the Oreos. Damn this snow and damn the kids for making their very first cute mini-snowperson outside. Diva comes in from outside and says she needed a carrot and some black buttons. I had the carrot, but aside from cutting the buttons from one of my twelve black coats to use for eyes, I had nothing... but Oreos. Double stuffed Oreos in mint and plain cream.

So, I take the cookies outside, peel one open, suck out the white cream, and plop the lid onto the snowperson's face for an eye. It crunched and fell apart. So, I took another Oreo and repeated. After about six attempts at getting them to stick, I said, I've already screwed everything up and I went inside to see how many more Oreos we had left. And, just as I did last night, I figured it would be better to be rid of them, than to have them tempt me on the shelf. So, I made sure the kids were content in the front yard next to Snowy, and I demolished the rest of the Oreos. I almost wanted to throw them up afterward, because, have you ever thrown up Oreos? As sick as it may sound, I bet it tastes pretty good.

Hopefully, the chocolate disaster is no longer and I will cleanse the body of the damning stuff tomorrow.

Next subject: Diva had a BIG, BIG week! It's a shame because she accomplished so many things in like five days that no five year old should be allowed to do in such a short time span because it leaves no room for parental enjoyment.

First up: She's now riding a two-wheeler, as I mentioned. She has also just discovered her very first loose tooth, which I now realize I have also mentioned. In addition, she tried a hot dog this week, took her amoxicillon without blowing a gasket (that's why we have the fifty-pound bag --well, 42-pound bag now--of M&Ms -- I told her I would give her some if she took her medicine without throwing a fit), and for the grand finale, she learned to tie a shoelace in the middle of the floor at Payless today. Ta-Dum! Too many accomplishments for such a short time.

Ajer--he's fine. Just driving me loco with his insatiable need to be entertained, or have an activity planned for him. Can't the kid ever just SIT for five minutes? He begged and begged and begged and begged and pleaded and then begged some more for Santa to bring Game Cube, and I was so worried it would preoccupy an immense amount of time in his life. No such luck. He's even too bored to play video games, and isn't that ALL seven year old kids want??

And lastly, my little Tookie comes into Diva's room tonight as I'm reading her "Chocolate - A Sweet History" and he is distraught and crying uncontrollably. I thought he had a bad dream. I thought he fell out of the bed. I thought, I didn't know what to think other than here is my little Tookie crying about something that has obviously disturbed him. Know what was wrong? He was afraid the scarf on Snowy would fly off during the night and we would lose it. I *promised* him I would go out and get it so it couldn't fly away and tucked him back in and cuddled until his breathing was steady and he was twitching in his sleep, signifying REM was apon him.

I am just going to be in so much trouble tomorrow if that damn scarf is missing. But at least I know I can console him with chocolate.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Update to Crap-Rant

It's a little more than two hours since my previous post, and I wanted to update a couple things.

I failed to mention that at a size 12, I am five-foot-nine, not five-foot-two, so I've got the height thing going in the height vs. weight debate. A 12 is good for me. Of course, I wouldn't balk at being a 10, but there's no possible way I could ever be a single-digit size and not look anorexic.

Now that I cleared that up, I just got back from yoga, and was able to sort of clear my mind, at least for that hour. Currently, I'm slamming a grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalattewithwhip and munching on three Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies, and then I'm putting it into high gear in the writing-the-novel-department.

I'm feeling better, and I didn't even have to hit my stash of Xanax tonight. I think I'll have a couple more cookies. It's better to just get rid of them, right?

Crap-Rant

I'm in a completely crappy mood and ready to rant, so if you're not in the mood to hear me gripe about the mundane (but very important) things in my life, then just click to another more interesting blog now. Go.

Okay, for those of you still here. I have been on a stupid roller coaster today and I hate roller coasters, even the fun part of going way, way up. Today started on an up. Diva has her first loose tooth, and we were all excited and she wanted to call her grandparents and share the news. During this time, Ajer kept saying, "Should we tell her? Should we tell her?" And then he'd loud-whisper to me: "You know, about the tooth fairy?" I grabbed him by the arm and shoved him into the guest bedroom. "You shut your mouth about that or you will be forever doomed." So, then he comes out and goes, "You know, McK, if you decorate your tooth with paint and sparkles and some glitter glue, then the tooth fairy brings you extra money--you could make like $40!"

I glare at him more.

So, that's not the part of the day that annoyed me. Five minutes after we jumped for joy about the loose tooth, I served breakfast and Diva (who eats just five food items: apples, anything white-based and breadlike --not pasta or sauces of any type though, ketchup, carrots and peanut butter), anyway, Diva decides she can't eat with a loose tooth, so the few things she does eat are no longer valid food items. I hope that damned tooth comes out soon.

So, then, what else pissed me off today. Well, yesterday it was Ajer who woke up and pulled the old "I'm sick" on me and I fell for it. I did take him to school at 10 a.m. and decided I am worst mother in the world for two reasons: Getting the wool pulled over on me and being a sucker, and then for not being more understanding of my first grader who is having a stressful time. But that has nothing to do with today.

So, things are progressing, get Diva on the bus and then Tookie and I go to the mall, where I get completely depressed over clothes and my body image when I try on some things, but then the roller coaster goes up another hill and I find some size 12 jean shorts so I buy two the same kind, different color denim. I know to a lot of you 12 might seem huge, but it's not for me. 12 is good. I've been bigger than an 18 so to me, 12 is normal. 14 was normal for a very long time but I don't want to be back there. (I'll revisit the weight watcher saga someday here.) So, then I left in a good mood and even went to Fannie May for some mint meltaways thinking it would further boost my seratonin levels and cheer me up. Nope, it just made me fatter.

Then I take the older kids to gymnastics and Tookie watches Sully and Mike from Monster's Inc. on the VCR in the van while I click my front car seat, way way back and close my eyes while the sun burns into my face, which feels good in the car with the heat because it's really like 25 degrees out. This is a very good situation until Tookie taps me on the shoulder and tells me he's hot. I pull his jacket and hooded sweatshirt off him as his cheeks flush.

So, that's not even the bad part of the day and I guess it wasn't a hugely crappy day but then I come home and find out this woman has written this book (a memoir) called Knocked Up, Confessions of a Hip Mom-To-Be, and this royally pisses me off to no end because although my novel is fiction, there are too many damn similarities to her memoir and I'm angry that I've been so lazy in getting my novel completed. I literally had a pit in my stomach thinking, great, there's my book, but in non-fiction. So, now I am just so annoyed and anxious to complete my book before nobody wants to read it.

Oh, another thing, I was feeling extreme nostalgia for PA today and missing my friends there incredibly, and also even missing the stupid NY style pizza they have there. And here I am in Chicago for crying out loud with the best pizza in the US.

And then, Tookie said on our way home from the mall today that he was going to say a prayer. So he said, "Dear Jesus, please make a friend for me." Rip out the heart.

Oh, AND ANOTHER THING, I was getting nostalgic because Diva is riding a two-wheeler, her teeth are getting loose, the kids are getting big, and I even watched The Baby Story this a.m. which I HAVEN'T WATCHED SINCE I WAS PREGNANT WITH TOOKIE FOUR YEARS AGO! Then, at the mall, I am watching all these moms with two and three kids and some even with four or pregnant with their fourth, and I'm actually feeling sad thinking that these moms are probably looking at me thinking I only have one kid and how they must feel sorry for me that I only have one, or jealous of me because I can go out with a potty-trained, non-sippy cup drinking, well-behaved kid.

So, now I think I'm done. I'm not feeling better, well, not that much, but I think I can now go finish cleaning up the kitchen and I will go to yoga which I was going to blow off because there's no way this stupid mind of mine is going to chill enough to concentrate on the stupid downward dog or plank.

And now, I hear Tookie saying, "You the bad dad; I don't like you." Here he is now. End Post.

Next New Contest

In twenty-five words or less, tell me why my contest idea was a stupid one.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

My Ploy To Self Promote

Not sure if my ploy to attract more readers is working or not. Really folks, this may be a good thing for you because the less of you who answer my contest question, the more likely you'll win the gift certificate of your choice (see post below). Because, if you're the ONLY ONE who responds, YOU'LL BE THE WINNER! So please, enlighten me and enter my Shameless Attempt at Self Promotion Contest!

You'll be glad you did! : )

EASY MONEY! $15 FOR YOU!

QUARTERLY CONTEST FOR SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

You've all received the emails from The Gap, or Victoria's Secret or Microsoft saying if you forward this email you have the chance to win large sums of money or gift certificates. Those are all fake my friend, but this here... this is a real actual contest I have made up in order to promote my Blog.

Would you like to get a gift card for anywhere you desire for $15? Okay, I know it's not a lot, but it will buy you that book you've been eyeing (if it's not hardcover), or pay for a couple drinks so you can send one over to a hottie you may be admiring at the bar (shout out DD!), or you can get your eyebrows waxed or go to Chili's and have an Awesome Blossom and a margarita on me!

Here's all you have to do--
Answer this question in twenty-five words or less and email your response to: henhowz@comcast.net

What attracts you to Manic Mom's Mental Myriads?

Now, of course, as with any contest, there are some rules:

1. If you are a relative of mine, either through blood or marriage, you are ineligible.

2. If you are a friend or acquaintance and we have spent some time together in person within the last six months, you are also ineligible.

3. If you are a stranger browsing the internet and have found my Blog, you are eligible.

4. If we know each other through internet correspondence, but have never met in person and are not related by blood or marriage, you are eligible.

5. If you think my Blog is stupid, you also are ineligible.

6. Must keep it to 25 words or less.

7. Must send my blog link to at least two other people you know who do not currently read my Blog (and, obviously, there is no way for me to track this--I'm just going to trust that if I'm nice enough to be holding a contest where I will give away some of my hard earned cash, and believe me, it is hard-earned, then I trust you will be kind enough to share my blog link with some of your friends who you think might get a laugh or two from MMMM!

All answers will be posted on this blog at a later date, and responses should be submitted before March 31. Winner will be announced on or near my birthday (if you know my birthday, and are the winner, I'll up the prize to $20!)

Again, send responses to:
henhowz@comcast.net
and please include your full name, city and state and current email address so I may contact you. (If you are the winner, I'll get your mailing address after the contest.)

Thanks for participating in my QUARTERLY CONTEST FOR SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION!
I will not personally judge the responses to decide the winner. I'll make Scott do it.

Monday, March 07, 2005

If You're Happy & You Know It, Say You're Gay

Some questions from young children leave your brow sweating, and usually I'm coming away from a discussion wondering if I've laid the foundation for a well-rounded accepting child of all races, sexual preferences, etc.

So, Ajer and I have had the GAY discussion, and the first time it came up we talked about boys loving boys, and then he surmised that he must be gay because he loves Dad and he's a boy. Then I explained the whole thing about them wanting to be married to boys and not girls. So, that was fine for a while.

Today, he informs me that there are two types of GAY, as I already know (and I'm not talking lesbian vs. boy gays). Here's what we talked about:

AJ: Mom, there are two types of GAY.

Mom: What are they?

AJ: Gay you love a boy and Gay, you're happy.

Mom: That's right.

AJ: So I'm gay.

Mom: Yes, you can be happy gay.

AJ starts singing and gets off his chair and does this off-Broadway production on Gayness:
"I'm Gaaa-aaaay, so very gaaaa-aaaaay, and I'm happpppyyyyyyy to be GAAAAAAAAY!"

Mom: Yes, AJ, but just don't go singing that on the school bus or in front of older boys (or men hanging out in front of hair salons or trying on clothes at Structure).

This teaching of the Gay thing is going to be harder than I thought. Oh, and he's also learned about his nuts and nads and balls, thanks to some new neighbor kids. I'm so screwed.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Pool Boy

No, not an exciting story about a guy, but it's a newly-invented drink. Mix 1/2 champagne and 1/2 cranberry juice. We call it The Pool Boy. And they're quite enjoyable on a Sunday afternoon in March on the brink of spring where the weather is a huge teaser, with degrees of 62, and your daughter is learning to ride a two-wheeler, and you're chasing her down the street, cheering her on because you're so excited for her, but also begging her not to go too fast because you'll spill your Pool Boy!

So, next time you're out a bar, ask the bartender for a Pool Boy. You may get the drink, or maybe he'll direct you to the real thing! Either way, it's got to be good!

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Dinner Last Night

Okay, I continue to dream about the dinner I had last night and feel like describing every detail to anyone who is interested. Be prepared to wipe up drool!

We went to Catch 35, and again, I've got to learn how to link things in here so you can click on their site. I started off with a key lime martini, and it seriously took me the WHOLE night to drink it, as I'm still reeling from the events of a couple Fridays ago, and am not back to "fighting weight" in the drinking department. The other woman who was out with us agreed the martini was a bit 'heavy' and we both thought that a slice of actual cheesecake would have been lighter than the cocktail.

Appetizers: coconut battered shrimp which was good, typical, but did not include enough sauce for dipping, and that's not even a complaint, really, just a comment. And then we had Cape scallops in a puff pastry pocket with garlic butter sauce. My friend Pam--and I'm going to do a copy and paste right here to link you to her site efoodie(it's a great one for mouthwatering recipes and wine suggestions!)--raved about Cape scallops in her blog, and I had never heard of them until she blogged and then they were on the dinner menu last night. They're really only available about two months out of the year, and the only way to describe them are to say they are sweet and succulent (don't you love that word?) and delectable! (spelling?)

And during the appetizers, I'm still sipping the key lime martini, very slowly.

I then had a vine-ripened tomato salad with fresh mozzarella balls (ugh, doesn't that just sound perverted?). But it was delicious. And this, coming from a girl who didn't eat tomatoes until she was in her early thirties -- living near New Jersey for six years introduced me to 'Jersey tomatoes' and now I love them!

Dinner dilemma? Did I want a nice filet, or did I want seafood? I never order fish, and it's not to say I don't like it, but the options are too overwhelming to me. But I love crab, scallops, shrimp, so I guess you could say I'm not a big fan of the swimming underwater delacacies, but enjoy the little guys that crawl and scurry across the ocean floor, or simply just lie there, waiting to be caught in a big fat net for somebody's next meal.

I splurged.

I ordered the King Crab Legs and Filet and was quite satisfied with what I ordered until I grabbed the waitress to pull a "When Harry Met Sally" request.

"Wait! You were telling us about the steak oscar?"

"Yes, is that what you'd rather have?"

"Well, can I still get the King Crab Legs and Filet, but can you top my filet with the lump crab and bernaise sauce?"

"Of course."

I was beaming at the table, pleased with what I ordered, and when my plate was delivered, the delivery guy (who was not our server, just a food runner, I guess you would call him, and kinda cute, kinda young, kinda around the age of 23... what is it with me and lusting after twenty-three year olds these days! ha!) Anyway, HE was amazed by my order, and was commenting on it and how good it looked and I was like, "And guess what buddy? I'm eating the whole dang thing!"

And I did. It was soooo yummy. The crab legs were already sliced so it was easy to dislodge huge lumps of crab and then I tossed them into the drawn butter so they could soak a little bit (my sister taught me that one!). While the crab chunks soaked, I sliced the perfect filet and it melted in my mouth. It's really bad when you're moaning at the table over your meal in front of the guy your husband is trying to hire! Everybody had finished their meal and I was still eating and moaning, and going on and on about how awesome my food was. I could just keep talking about how great my meal was but I'm getting hungry again thinking about it and I don't have any leftovers because...

I ate it all.

And then, We ordered dessert. Flourless chocolate cake with a ganache filling with raspberry sauce, which I could take it or leave it when it comes to the sauce but the cake was fudgy, yummy. Not as good as Morton's version of this cake (where you have to order it in advance because it takes so long to prepare--but I'm on to them--they make you order in advance because when you're done eating your Morton's steak and your alacart baked potato, you're actually too full to eat dessert, but you've already order the $12 cake so there's no going back), but still, this flourless cake was really good.

And, we couldn't just order one dessert so we had a slice of the espresso-something-or-the-other cheesecake and it was heavenly! I'm not a big cheesecake fan, but it was soooo good. Why can't the internet people make a button so you could click on a link and actually have a taste of what I've described here because I would love to share with you, and I don't think my description has done justice to the meal.

Are you hungry now? I want to go back in time and eat that whole meal all over again! I think I've used up my Weight Watcher points for the next two months!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Serendipity and Self Indulgence

Cool, I have had as many viewers to this site as the last four digits to my home phone number. Do you think it's a sign? Possibly. Do I wish I had a larger four-digit ending to my phone number? Definitely!

Anyway, I did something I rarely, rarely do today, and I'm going to share it. It was purely decadent and self-indulgent. If you're Scott and you're reading this, (which I know you're not because I've practically shoved this link to my Blog in your face about a million times and you've yet to read all my innermost secretive thoughts--heh, heh, lucky me) I know you will disagree that what I did today is something I rarely, rarely do, but consider the day of the week that I did it. Never, never, never on a Thursday, or a weekday for that matter, and boy, I have to admit, it felt really, really good. So good, that I might have to do it again tomorrow.

I took a nap.

Completely alone in my house, with the phones off, the shutters closed, the covers all the way up over my head, and two pillows on top of my head (with just a tiny little airhole for breathing), just to make sure nothing woke me up. And, did it work? Was I successful in my attempt to shut out the world for an hour and a half? Because, a nap for me is no twenty-minute snooze, let me tell you! I need to be involved in my sleep.

Napping is an art, and if you do it right, it can be as pleasurable as eating a whole sleeve of Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies in one sitting, or getting groped by a 23-year-old, or having a writing session that leaves you feeling drained and trancelike, or coming out of shivasana and "namastaying" one another before rolling up the matt and going back into the crazy-do-everything-for-everyone-else world. Yes, it did work. I slept magically, dreamlessly (yeah, no math! See previous post), restfully, peacefully.

And then, I was awakened by the sound of a garage door opening, my 'alarm clock' signalling that the children were home from school and I better get my ass out of that bed quick and start acting like the mother I am expected to be. So, I got out of bed, shook the sleepy yet satisfied feeling from my rested body, went downstairs, greeted my darlings, and headed out the door to pick up Tookie from school and indulge in one more decadent pleasure: anonfatsugarfreevanillalatteextravanillanofoambutabitofwhip.

However before ordering my latte, I did consider the old Chinese proverb*: Because too many good things in one day, makes for a very good day but doesn't leave much for tomorrow, I did exhibit some restraint and only ordered a Tall.

*Not really an old Chinese proverb--I just made it up but doesn't it sound like it could be one?

OLDER

You Know You're Getting Old(er) When:

You start talking about the weather, either on the phone, in letters, or in person.

You have to pull back an item and then bring it closer to your face, squint your eyes and adjust your vision until you can read the small print.

You start scrutinizing your face, wondering how those crows feet got there, and how you never noticed the pores in your face. Anti-aging cream is starting to sound like a necessary household product.

You're TWICE the age you were when you graduated from high school.

You notice your boobs are a bit saggy, and wonder how that happened overnight while you were sleeping!?!?

You start using the word 'peri-menopausal.'

Your kids know more about what music is hip these days.

Your husband laughs and comments that "We're growing old together."

Movies have been re-released celebrating their twenty-fifth anniversary. (Go Grease Lightning! E.T. Phone Home.)

Smoky bars aggravate you and you become annoyed with crowds.

You start telling your kids that when you were little, movies only cost $1.50.

There were no such things as DVDs, CDs, cell phones, the internet, blogs, Call Waiting, Caller ID, Cordless phones, digital cameras, TIVO, On-Demand, GameBoy, GameCube, when you were growing up.

You can't drink the way you used to.

You can't remember what this list is about or why you started it.
(What do YOU remember?)

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Kid Sandwiches and Recurring Dreams

So, I must have been in the mood to get squashed between children yesterday, because I woke up between the boys, and then found myself slathered between Diva and Ajer last night where the three of us fell asleep in Diva's bed at 8:30. I could have slept there all night. It was cozy and warm, and, except the occasional elbow shot to the chin, very comfy.

Tookie must have been having a BAD day yesterday because after he screamed those obscenities at me (see previous post), which, in our house, they are considered BAD, BAD words (next to stupid, dumb, idiot, H-E-doubletoothpicks, shitdamnandfuck), I sent him and his brother to their room. At four o'clock. Tookie fell instantly asleep and slept the.whole.night.through. Something was definitely up with that. Satan must have been expelled from his tiny body because when he woke at five a.m., he came into my room and said, "I have to frowe up." Dry heaves. The last of Satan. He's being a darling today.

And then Ajer, quickly realizing he doesn't get ice cream for calling me a LIAR in the middle of Borders, did his room sentence and when he emerged, came down, gave me a Kissing Hand sticker and told me I was forgiven. So, there's love all around the house today.

Now, my recurring dreams. There are two. The Math One and The Breast Cancer One.
Math--I've always, always sucked at math. In college, I dropped the basic math class after the first week freshman year, and then junior year, when I realized I had to have a math credit, I took The Fundamentals of Math, 101. Astute students referred to the class as "Fun for Mentals." The book truly starts out with adding and subtracting, but our class skipped ahead to page 43 and began with multiplication and division, which was hard enough! I struggled through and barely made a C.

But, in my dream, I usually skip math class so much the teacher doesn't even know I'm a student. Then I show up for the last two or three classes before the semester is over and try to learn enough to pass. I never do. Or, a variation of the dream is that I'm about to graduate but they don't let me because I don't have a math credit.

I always wake from that math dream so thankful the only math I'll ever have to do ever again involved either a calculator or my fingers.

The Breast Cancer Dream--I don't necessarily dream about breast cancer, but cancer in general, and this time, all the teachers in school were finding lumps in their breasts and they all told us at the same time. I must have been in school (yeah, because my math teacher was a guy so the two dreams interlapped) and at every new class, the teacher made an announcement that she had a lump. Don't like these dreams.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

What the Heck Happened?

Okay, I wake this morning being snuggled into a sandwich by my darling boys. By the end of the day, they're shouting at me: "Liar!", "I Hate You", "Shut Up!" So, I want to know who stole my sweet-darling-cuddly-loving boys and replaced them with monsters!?!?!? What is up with that? My children? Not my darling boys. Yup, them.

I bet it had something to do with Omarosa.

Mom In The Middle

Well, I went to bed with one of my favorite men and woke up like lunchmeat, smashed in between two OTHER favorite men! And no, I wasn't having a fantasy! Ajer and Tookie apparently both had the same idea early in the morning and individually climbed into bed with us. I woke with one cutie on my left, one on my right, and the other one was in the shower getting ready for work. It was such a nice, cuddly wake-up call, much better than the ones where Ajer's screaming: "Mom, Get UP! YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME BREAKFAST!"

Now I know for sure they are not allowed to watch Vipers striking and worms being swallowed on Fear Factor on Monday nights anymore! Come to think of it, maybe they didn't have nightmares about the snakes and worms. They probably were awakened with fear having had dreams about that Omarosa chick from The Apprentice, who 'guest-starred' on FF--she is one scary reality show wanna-be!