Manic Mom's Mental Myriads

Stop by and have a laugh from Manic Mom's Mental Myriads on Motherhood, and some other stuff too, but mostly motherhood, wifehood, thoughts on writing, etc. No politics will be discussed here or geography, and I will not be solving any mathematical equations. Just some BS on whatever I feel like blogging on...

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Friday Night

Okay, I'm in big trouble now that I finally figured out how to post photos...




My latest tattoo. Can you tell on which body part it is?


Tell me that doesn't look like a fun evening?



Monday, June 27, 2005

The Person You Once Were

Do you ever miss the person you once were? The younger you? The pre-mom, pre-married, nutty girl just on the verge of something big? Do you wonder what if? What if your life had turned out differently? What if you had gone to a different college? What if you had never moved to the midwest at age sixteen? How would your life be different? How would it be better? Worse?

I'm not being depressed; not at all. I just like to wonder a lot. I think I dream a lot about the What Ifs in life. There are so many to comtemplate. What if... what if I just stop writing this post right now and forget about it? What if I keep writing until my hands cramp up and my foot that is folded underneath my other leg falls asleep, until I get so dizzy from the words I can't stand up straight without swaying. What if.

Do you ever long to be the person you were ten years ago, five years ago? Twenty years ago? Twenty years ago, I was sixteen, boyfriend-less, not very savvy about clothes and boys and cool stuff. But I had friends, we did fun stuff (didn't we girls!?!?), and I guess I was a typical sixteen-year old for those times. But man, are they so different now. I walk around and see teenagers and feel inadequate. I know what they are thinking. They think, "Oh, that lady (not even a 'chick') is old. She has no clue what life is all about." They think, "I'm so cool, I am indestructable; I can pull a fast one over my parents any time I want to." They think about the next time they'll sneak out, make out with a boy, go to a party where there will definitely be more than just the beer, booze and pot I was surrounded with in the (dare I say... gulp) '80s.

Oh God, I feel so old.

Do others think of me this way? Sometimes I feel so tremendously old -- I've been married for twelve years, have three children that can fend for themselves for at least an hour or two at a time, I've got a wonderful life, have anything I want, and yet, what do I want? To be young again? To be crazy and unsure and sad and obsessed with trying to be someone I wasn't? I don't even know if I was happy with the person that I was back then. Why do I feel like I want to be that person again? There was nothing that exciting about her.

Is there anything exciting about her now?

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Third Time's A Charm

I'm back from the pool, having finished off two-and-a-half bottles of champagne Pool Boys. Going for the weekend "Hat trick." Will let you know. Oh, Scotty, come here boy!...

Sunday

It looks like it's going to be a Pool Boy afternoon! The only problem is girlfriend L and I are wondering if two bottles of champagne will be enough...

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Still Pissy...

...and hungover. I hate this new template, and am trying to still figure out how to fix my old one so this will have to do in the meantime.

Off to the pool, where I will sink into a chair and close my eyes and hope the lifeguards will be watching the children, because, that's their job, right?

More later, where I will be blogging about "The Girls of Pornwood," (You all rock!) St. Charles, Illinois, and some fun bars that involved a little bit of female toe-sucking, temporary tattoos on breasts and slow-dancing with some guy named Bo.

I bet the Desperate Housewives never have this much fun!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

PISSED OFF

I screwed up my Blog. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. I don't feel any better by saying all those SHITS. Shit. Fuck.

There. That's much better. Now, can anyone tell me how to get my sidebar back up to the top again? I've done this before and if you can't guess, it ROYALLY pisses me off!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Excerpt: ALL THIS ...

Temporarily removed from blog

Scratch Last Post

I'm not in a funk anymore. Man, that was a quick one! If depression hits like that, and all it takes is a handful of frozen Junior Mints to perk y'up, then I can handle being bummed out every now and then.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I'm Depressed

This is what happens when you go back and read your college journals.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Things You Can Do On A Family Trip to Olivia, MN.

1. Stop only once to eat, and once to get gas on the nine-hour car ride, with three children (Yay kiddies!)

2. Share iPod headphones with hubby, thereby increasing the intimate time spent in car together, and drowning out many of the "Are We There Yets".

3. Allow daughter to eat french fries and ketchup, and a root beer for breakfast at the Chatterbox Truck Stop, where a welcome sign greets guests with "Handguns are forbidden in Olivia."

4. Actually ride a horse, by myself, even attempting to trot! And then saying, "Ooh, I want a horse! Why on earth did I ever think I would never want a horse! Daddy, I want a horse!"

5. Sleep at The Sheep Shedd, where their motto is, "Hope you'll come BAAA-ck!"

6. Walk into the town with Diva, and actually find a mocha freezy drink (non-fat, complete with whip though!) for a fraction of the cost of a Starbucks grande, at only $2.66.

7. Not be able to get another mocha freezy drink on Sunday because the Olivia Drug Rite is CLOSED ON SUNDAYS!

8. Avoid intimate relations with husband because of sharing the motel room with three children.

9. Fly a kite!

10. Take a walk to the top of a beautiful waterfall.

11. Watch my children meet their great-grandmother (Hubby's grandma) for the very first time.

12. Eat a lot of crock-pot meals, definitely too heavy and too hot for this time of year, and definitely something I said I wouldn't eat, but devoured when it was 'supper' time.

13. Got a nice Saturday afternoon buzz from a few Mike's Hard Lemonades.

14. Really thought what it would be like to have been a 'country' girl rather than the city girl I think I am. Think about how different my life would have been, could have been, how things would have been simpler, more quiet, more reflective, more God-like.

15. Watch a horse fart 12 inches from Diva and crack up at the look of horror on her face.

16. Come up with a new family nickname for farts due to the horse farting in front of Diva--Now we call it "Cutting a Fairy" since the horse's name was Fairy. (Sidenote: Tukey just came in here and told me to smell his butt and then exclaimed that he just "Fairy-ed two times." I guess it's going to stick!

17. Listen to the iPod a lot, but not enough to kill the battery life, just enough to make me very happy.

18. Use my amazing Neo Alphasmart keyboard to start my Memoir, which I wrote more than 20 single spaced pages in the car on the ride home.

19. Also wrote the start of an article I plan to submit to the local paper on how my iPod is my new best friend.

20. Play "Bubble Gum, Bubble Gum In A Dish" with some really poor, welfare ridden children in the park. They were sweet and fun and I love being able to hang out with new people, even if they are just three-foot little kiddies.

21. Shop in a couple little five-and-dime stores with Diva.

22. Read a whole book from start to finish, just in the car! I'm so glad I got over my motion sickness now that I'm older! (P.S. It was called Knocked Up, Confessions of a Hip Mom-To-Be--I will be commenting on it in a future entry.)

23. Listened to Hubby gripe about his pink eye, which was far worse than mine, for the whole weekend.

24. Not getting any transmittion to be able to use a cell phone.

25. Didn't touch a computer for over three days, and didn't miss it all that much.

26. Saw an Elk, fed some geese leaves, fed a horse, saw some buffalo, got bitten by a few mosquitos, saw some horse flies that were bigger than those bumble bees that are big and fuzzy and like to dive into colorful flowers, you know, the REAL bumble bees.

There's more, there's lots more; this is just a smattering of the things we got to do on our family trip to Olivia, MN., a place I wasn't sure I wanted to spend a whole weekend there, but now know that it's part of my children's heritage, part of my husband's family and I truly enjoyed every minute of learning more about the family that gave me my husband, who then gave me my children. And is there a more beautiful gift than that? Thank you, Olivia, MN. And I'm so glad I found a Frappy Mocha Freeze while I was there!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Greatest Invention on EARTH!

Just what I need, a new hobby, but yes, folks, I've got one...

iPod!... Oh my gosh, this is THE most amazing item I have ever lived through to experience, even better than the cordless phone, the remote control, MTV, automatic windows in the car, CDs, DVDs, automatic flushers at the mall...

Yes, folks, this is it, and I'm hooked.

I just downloaded 145 songs from any stretch of the imagination, and I'm going to be listening to each and every one of them in the privacy of my own head on my very own earbuds (as they are now called) on the car ride from hell, which will begin tomorrow a.m., and shit! I just realized, it is TOMORROW. I've spent the last five hours downloading music, reminiscing about The Outfield, Ministry, The Cure, Yaz (Who remembers Upstairs at Eric's?), Echo and the Bunnymen, WHAM! (Bad boys, stick together, never, sad boys, dudududududu!--check it out on iTunes, the second greatest invention I have lived through! Just type in a singer or a song and BOOMTHEREGOESTHEDYNAMITE--anyone see that quirky little guy on The Morning Show or David Letterman?--you hear the song you've requested!

OK, I am really on a roll now so I'm going to stop before my head explodes, but I know I will not be able to sleep because I'll be dreaming of all the fun music I will get to listen to in the carride from hell, which is slated to start in, Oh, I don't know, five-and-a-half freaking hours!

Poor sick baby husband guy isn't going to be too pleased with me in the morning, since I still have packing to do. It's a wonder I'm planning on hiding out in the back of the minivan with Ajers. He and I are going to do some serious iPod bonding! I even put a few Enrique (yes, Iglesias, and NO, MY 7-YEAR-OLD SON IS NOT GAY!) tunes in the old iPod for him!

Catchya later, when I'm back from my carride from hell and trip to nowhere! I'm sure I'll have lots to share then!

Keep on reading, keep on blogging! Much love to you all!

P.S. By the way, who's in your iPod? And yes, I just coined that phrase and it is officially copyrighted right here and now even though I can't find the little cirlced C that accompanies a copyrighted item or a little teeny TM that stands for THAT LINE IS TRADEMARKED AND YOU CAN'T GO SELLING IT TO IPOD FOR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, BUT WOULDN'T THAT MAKE A CUTE ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN--A LITTLE TEENY TINY IPOD WITH ALL THESE SINGERS POPPING OUT OF IT, LIKE ONE OF THOSE SMALL CIRCUS CARS WHERE JUST A MILLION TRILLION CLOWNS KEEP GETTING OUT? Like I said, somebody stop me before my head explodes--I guess this is the result of eating like six french fries today and then having a Cold Stone Creamery Gotta Like It cake batter ice cream in a waffle bowl with brownies, fudge and caramel in it for dinner!

Geeze, somebody give me a valium please!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Can't Wait!

There's something seriously wrong about being excited about a nine-hour car trip with three kids heading toward the middle of nowhere, but at least it's a place where I won't have to do anything more than pass snacks to kids and yell "Shut Up!" a couple of times, and maybe answer "NOT YET!" a million times when they ask, "Are we there yet?"

Hmmm, on second thought.

Oh well, I have to figure out my new iPod Shuffle and get some music downloaded so I can veg out in the car for the whole time. I'm even considering sitting in the WAY back next to Ajers and pretending to be a kid. I can just see it now:

Me: "Dad, he's looking at me!"

Ajers: "Nuh-uh, she stuck her tongue out at me!"

Scott: "I'll turn this car around if I have to!"

Me to Ajers: "Quit LOOKING AT ME!" "Stop touching me!"

Ajers: "Dad! I'm not doing ANYTHING!"

Me: "Liar!"

Ajers: "MOM! You're lying!"

Scott: "Who's idea was it to go on this trip?!?!?"

Me, Diva, Tukey, Ajers: "YOURS!"

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Yeah, It's Worse...

The big, fat, baby of a husband has pink eye now too, and had to miss work today because he is HIGHLY contagious.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Could Be Worse, Maybe?

Pink eye in both eyes, fever, aching, cold symptoms and a period. Sounds like a Christmas ditty, doesn't it? Nope, that's my life recently. Oh yeah, and the third kid is starting to get it now too.

Just re-read this, and the third kid is not getting HIS period, just THE OTHER SYMPTOMS!

I know things could be WAY worse, but why can't I even get two minutes to change my tampon in peace? I'm in the bathroom, and I locked the door. There's a banging and a turning of the knob.

"PRIVACY!" I yell.

Not happening. I hide the tampon (not in the place where I should HAVE hidden it--heh-heh), and open the door. It's Tukey and he has to "GO NOW!" So, do I finish my business? No, I get up, pull up my pants and let him go. I head upstairs to finish what I set out to do (probably six hours ago!), get into the bathroom, lock the door, and before I can get the business done, there's another turning of the knob. Tukey again. Cripes, does he have "Tampon Radar" or something?

Anyway, I don't know if it's good or bad that summer vacation is in full swing right now. If the kids were still in school, at least I would be able to lie on the couch by myself for part of tomorrow. [Big Sigh]

Saturday, June 11, 2005

I'm Not Seeking Sympathy

But guess who's sick now?

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Katie Holmes

Did you find me by my post on Conversations? If so, welcome to Manic Mom! And if you haven't checked out Conversations, hop on over to DJ's site--you will be hooked! And make sure to read all the comments--they're hysterical!
ConversationsAboutFamousPeople

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I. Need. To. Go. To. Bed...

Can you tell me which direction to go? And as sure as shit I get there, get cozy comfy under my snuggy quilt (Yep, I stole that phrase from "Say Goodnight Ernie" another one of those damned-must-read-to-the-snot-nosed-kid-because-he-is-sick books...) well, as sure as shit, you can bet I'm going to hear the dreaded...
I NEED A KWEENEXXXXXX!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Writing, Writing, Writing

I just wrote the first draft of my epilogue for my novel. Did I know there was going to be an epilogue? Hell no. Do I care? Hell no. Do I even know if the main character had a boy or a girl? Hell no. I'm just happy that 783 words came out of my head and onto the computer screen in a matter of fifteen minutes.

Thank God for Children's Sudafed. It cured me of my writer's block.

True Love Ain't What It's Cracked Up To Be

Okay, I can only take so much. Five days of fever, non-stop whining, crying, up at all hours of the night, sneezing... While I am so thankful Tukey doesn't wipe his snot-infested nose on every piece of furniture in our home, I am so tired of hearing "I NEED A KWEENEX!" We've been through, and this is absolutely no lie, THREE big sized boxes of Puffs Plus, and a whole roll of toilet paper to wipe his little nose. I told him if we keep wiping, his nose is going to fall off (Kind of like that old tale about masterbation and blindness, huh?) I'm still wiping though.

And, if I have to read that freaking GO DOG. GO book one more time, I am seriously going to shoot myself.

Off to the store for the necessities--a video to entertain the little snot-nose, some Dimmetapp to dry him up, another three-pack of Puffs Plus, and a big-ole-fat-frap for me.

Addendum: From Diva, in the bathroom, just two minutes after I posted this--"Mom, I have diarrhea." Motherf#$%er.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Tukey Still Down and Out

The little guy is still sick -- but what a good little sick boy he is. He comes into my room in the middle of the night: "Mom, I gotta fro up." I take him into the bathroom and he demands I turn on the light. He heaves a few times, gags a couple more, retches once or twice, then puts his head onto the toilet rim for a few seconds.

"I'm all done." And gets up and goes back into his bed. If only his father could behave this well when he is sick!

Another time in the early hours of the morning when it was still dark out, I thought I heard someone in the hallway (the sensitive sixth sense of a mother) and went out to see who was up. It was Tukey.

"Do you have to throw up again?" I asked, being the sincere, sensitive, patient, sympathetic, kind, understanding mother that I pretend to be.

"No," he said, "I'm just frowing away the kleenex I used."

Am I raising him to be a little Felix? That's the clean one right? Not Oscar.

So we've been hanging out today and it reminds me of the days when they were filled with nothing but PJs, PBS, PB&Js, naptime, diapers and sippy cups. Believe it or not, I became a little nostalgic. We even had fun with me simulating Elmos' high-pitched voice and demonstrating a little episode of "Elmo's World" where Elmo is the pretend doctor and he's checking out Tukey. Then Elmo decided to eat Tukey's fingernails and toenails. My throat still hurts from raising my voice into that obnoxious pitch of a sound, but it was quite entertaining for the both of us; Okay, for all three of us cuz I know Elmo was having fun. Icouldn't get the little read furry guy to stop laughing.

I even read Go Dog. Go! in funny dog voices. My favorite page is the one where it is night, and night is time for sleep, except there's that one little dog with his eyes wide open that just can't settle himself into slumber. The other fun page is the nightime dog party on a boat (page 33--Now it is night. Three dogs at a party on a boat at night.) I told Tukey a story about me and a boyfriend "having a party" on a boat at night a long time ago. He asked, "Was it daddy?" I said No. So, every time we get to that page, he says, "You went on da boat at night wit da boyfriend but it wasn't daddy!" I said, "Be sure to share that with daddy next time he's reading Go Dog. Go! to you.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

True Love

I've been sleeping with another guy recently. In my bed, in his bed, in the office chair, on the couch and on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. And, I definitely know what true love is now. It's when you are lying on the bathroom floor, with a folded up towel for a pillow, listening to your three-year-old's labored breathing, congested nose, and exclamations of, "I gotta fro up now."

True love is resting your head on the side of the bathroom door while your baby sleeps, finally, at four a.m., and while you practically fall asleep sitting up, and you're so exhausted it reminds you of the days when you were up every other hour the first weeks you brought him home from the hospital.

It's being patient when the kid screams at you not to touch him, or to leave him alone, when all he really wants is you right there by his side, to comfort him. It's holding a cold cloth to his head while he gags into the toilet, and cries because it hurts so much not to feel well.

It's using your own sleeve to wipe his nose, and not showering for 48 hours because there is no time for you to do so. It's not eating regular meals, and doing whatever you can to get liquids down your baby so he doesn't get dehydrated. It's when he is finally feeling a little bit better that he can say, "I have to tell you a secret," and he brings you down close to his mouth, his sick little mouth whose teeth haven't been brushed since Friday morning, and he whispers into your ear, "I love you forty-one." (Apparently, that's A LOT in a three-year-old's mind.)

And it's cutting this blog short because I can hear the stuffy, sick little guy calling for me right now.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Venti Mocha Frap Light

I just slam-dunked one in about four minutes flat.

I'm Sensing A Pattern Here

So, the other day I made mini low-fat fudge brownie cupcakes for the school end of the year social. When they were almost done, I took them out of the oven, shoved a Hershey's kiss right smack in the middle, and put them back into the oven. Then, when they were done baking, I let them cool. Then once they were cooled, I ate six of them immediately.

I think I did this with Oreos once this winter, and again in the spring with chocolate chip cookies, and each time I have this "gotta-have-chocolate" binge, my period inevitably arrives a couple days later. Well, I guess having to eat chocolate and then suffering through my period is way better than suffering through nine-months of baby-growing!

Gotta go, there's a handful of chocolate chips in my freezer calling my name. Loudly.