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Manic Mom's Mental Myriads now resides elsewhere. I'm still out there, but I've joined the Blog Land Witness Protection Program.

Remember, I am a manic mommy and I'm sure you'll be able to find me! And it's okay if my mom finds me too, really. I've got nothing to hide. Or do I?

True / False Answers

This Post Has Joined The Ranks of The Others Previous.

The Best Rejection To Date Is Here:

You know what? I expect rejection letters. I know they are part of the process of getting an agent, of finding the right match for your work. You have to find someone as passionate about your book as you are and that's really, really hard to do. And I'm okay with that. It's like online dating, or regular dating, or making friends, or blog dating, or mating... whatever. You have to find the right match. It's got to be a "Ying and Yang thang." Or something like that.

But this here is the most absurd rejection in the entire world. I think so anyway. And this is my blog so I can think anything I want to.

So, I send Prominent New York Agent a query -- a short, simple one, with not a lot of info, and asked if she would be interested in reading more.

This is the blurb (in case there are any agents out there looking for my book... hee hee):

Ellen McMillan’s plan for the next forty weeks didn’t involve tip-toeing around her infertile sister, getting black-balled from Thursday night happy hour, and spending a week in Jamaica sober. But because of the Two Hearts pregnancy test, she’s becoming a different woman, complete with a new set of boobs and a blooming uterus. Ellen’s got more than her share of pregnancy woes–her OB makes her insides flutter (and it’s not because the baby’s kicking!), her pregnant boss thinks motherhood and career are not synonymous, and her husband is suddenly MIA, both emotionally and physically. She’s in a constant state of panic, thanks to a premonition from a stranger, a medical test gone awry, and the discovery of a family secret kept far too long. How in the world can Ellen make it through the next four days let alone the next forty weeks?

So, this is the response I get from Prominent New York Agent, which was very timely and honest, to give her credit:

I’m sorry; as a woman who plans to never have children, this just doesn’t resonate with me. But thanks very much for giving me a chance.

WTF?

She is a literary agent. Does this mean because she never plans on murdering anyone, she is not interested in representing murder mysteries. Since she is not a man, is she not interested in anything a man would write? Does this mean that since she is heterosexual (I'm assuming), any book with gay characters would be disregarded immediately, and thrown into the Slush Pile? Since she is a literary agent, does this mean any book with a main character with a job unrelated to publishing or writing would not resonate with her?

I so just don't get it. And, if she is choosing not to have children, that's fine, that's her own business, but I have never met a parent who has said, "Oh, I wish I didn't have kids." I have met plenty of people who have said, "Oh, I wish I didn't have this job I have."

Prominent New York Agent seems pretty close-minded to me. But, who am I to say what resonates with her doesn't resonate with someone else. It's just a great, big, grandeous mystery to me. And wouldn't it be HILARIOUS if someday my book would become a BEST-SELLER, and I could do interviews and say, "Oh, Prominent New York Agent didn't even want to read my book because it's about a woman who has a baby." And she would be kicking herself because she would have gotten fifteen percent of a Best-Selling book about a mom, and we all know how boring books like that can be.

That would be soooo cool.

The Joy Of The Sense Of Smell... Or Not.

I smell like how a wet dog smells after chasing a ball into a lagoon, running circles around a skunk and then rolling into a pile of dirt.

I think I should go shower.

Confessional Tuesday

Well, I have spent all day thinking of something really juicy, intriguing, mind-blowing to share on this here, the second-ever Confessional Tuesday ever, and I got nuthin'.

I am a boring person with no secrets.

I'm trying to dig down really deep to come up with some good smut I haven't already shared with you guys. But, I've already told you how my younger brother (then five) caught me and the boyfriend in a compromising situation; I already told you when and where I lost my virginity; I already spill my guts every time I "spill my guts." I share my "fictional" accounted excerpts of stuff; I tell you every time I have a fantastic dream about an ex-boyfriend.

I am an open book who pores her soul out to all who will listen. (Oh, and by the way, that pour / pore thing always gets me in print. I think it should be "pour" as in "spill" but is it really "pore" as in... okay, no, now I am really confused -- I think it's:

She will pour her soul... pore her soul... fuck it... I empty my soul out to all who will listen.

Having said all that, I've decided to host a little True or False on Confessional Tuesday.

Which of the following are TRUE; Which are FALSE?

1. My brother nicknamed me Whale-Bone-Whaler when we were younger, deriving it from the ever-popular fish sandwich at Burger King.

2. I've never had sex in a swimming pool.

3. None of my children weighed over eight pounds.

4. Only three boyfriends ever told me they loved me.

5. Two of them were saying it just to get somewhere.

6. I must use two separate knives for the peanut butter and the jelly.

7. I'll eat any vegetable as long as it has butter or cheese on it.

8. I once suffered from anorexia.

9. I have worn glasses / contacts since I was 13.

10. My teeth are as straight as they were when the permanent ones arrived.

11. I spend way too much money at the cosmetic counter.

12. I have never done chemically-created illegal drugs.

13. The first boy I ever French kissed was named Carter Ganada.

14. I still own the shirt I was wearing the night I met Hubby.

15. I hate cranberry juice.

16. I have thrown up on a plane, ship, car and bus all within a 24-hour period.

17. My first job out of college was as an editor for a small newspaper.

18. I have never been on a blind date.

19. I can count on two hands the number of... well, you know.

20. I used to collect mirrors until I got tired of looking at myself.

21. The first time I got my hair highlighted, I was 30.

22. I have been arrested one time.

23. If given the choice, I would spend the whole day at one of the following places:
Beach
Barnes & Noble
Bed

24. I used to want to be an artist.

25. I used to want to be a dentist.

See, how boring is this? Eleven of them are false.

Confessional Tuesday

Seems like just yesterday I told you about the Woobie, and here it is, another Tuesday and I've got to confess something. Problem is, now that my mom is on to me, I have to confess something probably not worth confessing, something that if Mom reads, she can be like, "Oh, good, she's not talking about the topaz thing anymore."

So, what to confess, what to confess?

Anyone want to know anything specific that is Blog-Mom-Sensitive?

Slowly But Surely...

I am adding LINKS to you Blogger Pals. If you don't see your name to the right, no worries -- this is a work in progress, and I'm trying to get as many of you up as I can. If you hadn't noted that you want to be linked, and want to be linked here, leave me a comment and I'll add you.

On that note, I'm also working on building up my Web site and wonder if you can help out. If you're a regular reader, would you mind leaving a quick, short quote on your thoughts on Manic Mom so I can include on my Web page for the Blog? Send these to the comments section. (You know, something like, "Manic Mom makes me snort coffee out of my nose when I read her." That kind of stuff. None of the usual, "She sucks and she's an alcoholic-pill-popper," although, that might get me more readers!)

Thanks for your help guys! You rock! Also, Dating Dummy tried to help Computer Dummy figure out how to include a link here with my email address but Computer Dummy can't figure out how to do it, so any of you smart-techie-bloggers out there want to give me directions, that would be cool.

WTF?

Okay, can anyone tell me, How The Hell Does This Happen?

Could It Be Any More Depressing?

Gosh, I just went to the grocery store and I'm thinking, "Man, how depressing." The music they were playing over the intercom was just unbearable. If I were a single person, I would be crying in Aisle Five for sure.

First off, they played Open Arms by Journey. There is a particular ex of mine with whom anything by Journey stirs up crazy emotions. And I had had an incredibly 'interesting' dream last night that further added to these strange feelings. Then, Open Arms ended and Annie Lenox's "No More I Love Yous" comes on. Then, Tears for Fears, "Sowing The Seeds of Love" is on. Geeze, I would hate to be a person going through a break-up, being all depressed, not able to eat, and then finally being brave enough to continue on with my life, go to the grocery store to purchase something to eat since I hadn't been able to eat in so long because I was depressed over getting dumped and then going to the store and hearing all this sob-story music. Cripes. Why can't they play fun music, to get you bopping around the aisles, like B-A-N-A-N-A-S, or some Reggae music or the soundtrack of Grease, or some other stuff to make you feel happy about grocery shopping.

But, one thing that did make me happy was that at our grocery store, they have an in-store Starbucks. And after you purchase seven coffees, your next one is free. Guess what? I hit the jackpot this a.m. when it was announced that I would not have to pay for my grandenonfatsugarfreevanilla(NOWHIPBECAUSEIAMNOWCOUNTINGWEIGHTWATCHERPOINTS)latte, and since it was free, "Would I like a venti instead of a grande?"

Uh, duh. Supersize me baby!

So, maybe the venti coffee is what is making me spew out these words like they're the most valuable words I have ever written. On a side-note, my newest vice is to have a tallgrandenonfatsugarfreevanillanowhip, and then to go through the McDonald's drive-through and get a SuperSize Diet Coke with half-ice. I got this combo on Friday, after I had gone to Weight Watchers and discovered that although I hadn't counted points as religiously as I used to, I still lost 2.2 pounds that week. (If you've ever done WW or know of anyone who has lost weight on the program, every single freaking ounce lost counts, hence the point-two previously mentioned.)

But, anyway, the combination of a hot latte and a cold Diet Coke was wowza, and I was pumped!

So, that's my coffee story.

Finally, I was checking out, taking note that Brooke Shields (who I actually got to speak with on the phone once for an article I was writing) is pregnant with baby number two. I say Great for her! And sorry to hear that Brit and Kev are having parental woes. What'd you expect though -- he's like dad to a few other kids -- this baby-making thing is not exciting for him. It's just another notch in his belt, so to speak!

Anyway, I'm checking out and the lady in front of me looks at my stuff, cuz come on, who doesn't check out other peoples' stuff, and she goes, "Looks like somebody runs a daycare?"

I told her that no, I didn't run a daycare but I did have three kids, hence the teddy grahams, juice boxes, fruit snax, cereal, chicken-noodle-o's, raviolis...

I cracked up. Running a day care was the most hilarious thing I'd ever heard, because 1) I would never have the patience to run a daycare, and 2) I would never WANT to run a daycare.

So, there you have it, my grocery store story, no majorly personal info, no embarrassing stories about relatives, no information that might tell you where I live... just some thoughts while shopping. All safe blogging fodder!

Playgroup, Anyone?

I just found this online. It's something I wrote a while ago and just discovered it again via Google:

Everything I Needed To KNow, I Learned At Playgroup.

I kind of miss those days when the most exciting event of the week was Playgroup. Unless, of course, it was my turn to host it that week!

Poi Dog Pondering

Last night we saw my favorite local band, and words can't describe the music, the energy, the atmosphere, the camaraderie of the group there to hear and watch and sing along with Poi Dog Pondering.

I'll try.

They're a local Chicago band who has (or is it have--this is one grammatical rule I just can't ever figure out) been around for probably 15-20 years. We've seen them about 10 times, and each time the show is energetic, uplifting, fascinating. There are about 11 members of the band with loads of instruments -- drums, trombone, cello, violin, guitars, synthesizers. You can't describe the type of music either... it's so ecclectic and different from probably anything you've ever heard, or thought you might like. And some people don't like this music. I do.

When we were in Philly, they came to a small venue, where Abra Moore opened for them. Before the show, Frank Orrall, the lead singer, walked past me and I went up to him, mentioned we used to follow them in Chicago all the time and now we lived out in Philly and were so happy they were in our town. We shook hands, he was very gracious and kind, and of course, I am easily star-struck. Since they are not as well-known on the east as in Chicago, we were front-and-center, Frank's sweat spilling onto me as he sang his songs, which are extemely poetic, thought-provoking, inspirational and even spiritual. The words just get to me.



I ended up front-and-center last night too, and at one point, nearing the end of the show, when Frank stopped to take a swig of his Heineken, I handed him a pen, asking him to sign the playlist taped to the floor. He did, apologizing that it was messy, and gave it to me. During the show he also did that thing where a singer will go into the crowd and be surfed through the hands of the people. How trusting is that -- to allow yourself to swim along a see of strangers, to let them reach for you, to let them move your body through the flow of fans, just so they can grab some energy from you.





And, later, there was a bouquet of flowers on the stage; he took them from the vase and started handing them to people in the audience. I got one, a white lilly not yet open, and later, in the parking garage, I gave my flower to a girl who was at the concert and noted she wished she had one. Heck, I've had a personal conversation with the guy before; I got his signature; I took their bottled water from the stage to drink last night; I also got a guitar pick. She can have the flower. Okay, I'm somewhat of a groupie, I guess you could say.

You have to check them out. Let me know what you think.

Blogger

MMMM might be going under some changes in the future because of some unforeseen circumstances I will definitely explain to you later. You may have noticed my archives are no longer available, and I'm considering moving somewhere else into Blog Land.

There are some things I can no longer post about. Topics no longer approved for discussion may or may not include... well, anything of a personal nature, really.

When I started this blog, I didn't take into consideration a thing called Privacy and I might have put myself out there a little too forcefully, and some think this could be a dangerous thing as there are crazies out there, looking to stalk and kill and murder unsuspecting Bloggers who are only Blogging because they love to write, love to hear the thoughts of others, love to connect with other writers.

Someone asked me why I do this. And if I had any friends, and if I was lonely?
Answers:
Why does anyone do anything they enjoy?
Yes, I have friends.
No, I'm not lonely.

To me, it's a hobby, a form of expressing myself, an artistic outlet, and yeah, maybe I do seek the approval of others; I do want to hear from others that they enjoy my writing style, or that, as a mom, they too can relate to my parenting woes and joys. I do this because I think it's fun and I like to look at life in a humorous way and I like to make people laugh at some of the funny things that go on in my life.

But, when it becomes too much of an exposure, too much information shared, then it might be time to make some changes. And, I guess, in my hastiness to learn to Blog properly, and in my naivety, I might have expressed myself, shared too much, to you.

I might have goofed it all up.

There Mom.

Archive Bye-Bye. Happy? 143

I'm An Aunt!

Hubby's sister and her husband are officially the proud new parents to their son, Ethan Michael, who became theirs today after a long awaited adoption procedure through Russia.


I'm so thrilled and can't wait to meet their baby!

Lyrical Lunacy

You know how when a line in a song just gets you? I've been listening to this particular song when I'm running and it just hits a nerve in me. I think that if the singer was looking into my eyes, singing these words to me, I might just die.

"I walk along these hillsides in the summer 'neath the sunshine, and am feathered by the moonlight, falling down on me."

Anyone want to guess?

More On Tuesday

Well, well, well, I have just been made the recipient of some very juicy Blog-Gossip and feel extremely privvy to be in on the big secret of two Blog-Lovers who have found each other through their Blogs, and will, because I am not a Blog-Ruiner, continue to remain nameless until the two make their own announcement on their own blogs. Why ruin all the fun!?

I knew having a Confessional Tuesday would pay off in a major way! Congrats to the lovebirds. I am sooo psyched for you two and cannot wait for the book to come out! You have to write the book--there is not one out there on finding love Blog-Style. Hell, I'll be your agent!

On another note, I have, once again, stolen something from the very talented, and I'm sure beautiful, (judging from her kindergarten picture) MoDigLi

So, to answer the burning questions on blogging:

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?
No, I just try to remember the damn list, but I do know someone who puts on a ton of lipstick and heels to shop at the grocery store while on vacation, in a town where the odds are completely ZILCH that she'll run into anyone she knows.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?
I don't alter photos. What you see is what you get.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?
Creeps, yes. Dorks, no.

4. Do you lie in your blog?
Depends. What's your definition of a lie?

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?
I'm not sure what that means? Anyone care to explain? Does this mean I'm bitter, or I try to get back at someone who has wronged me? Probably.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?
Yeah, I think I did that once, and thanks to all those who told me not to stop!

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?
I'm not in therapy. I went to a 'counselor' for two or three visits a few years back. The first appointment, I cried, spilled my guts. The second appointment, I had to make up shit so we could use the whole hour. The third appointment, we stared at each other until the hour was up.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?
I have gotten some mean comments but I didn't delete them. I didn't fake any nice ones.

REMOVED DUE TO UNSUITABLE CONTENT

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?
I don't know, can my readers who do know me in person answer this one in the comments?

11. Do you have a job?
Actually, yeah, kind of, and I just got a promotion, kind of. But first off, I am a mom, and that's my number one job. My "sorta-kinda-paying" job is an editor for a parenting website, and I love doing this because I can work any time I want, work as many or as few hours as I want. I also hope to be able to say in the future that yes, I do have a job, and my job title is AUTHOR. (I'm not going to be so off-the-wall and request BEST-SELLING, but if that were to accompany the job title, I'd take it!)

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?
Duh.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?
J Holden, Christa, DD, Joel, Alani, Breakup Babe, Erin, Memphis Steve seems kind of cool, Tulip... Oh gosh, I know there are more... Oh yeah, Agent 007 for sure... sorry if I missed you--not intentional! Oh, and Stephanie Klein so I can kick her in the ass. I no like her.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with?
Breakup Babe, Christa, Tulip--basically all the girls.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?
I think I don't act either way. I gripe a lot about being on credit-card parole, but really don't make judgments on who has money. It's all in the heart, baby, it's what you got right here (thumps chest).

16. Does your family read your blog?
Oh yeah. Hi everyone! Well, I know my mom does, because she thinks I'm going to get murdered because I am too open about things. I wasn't sure about my MIL, but she told me the other day she enjoyed the pics I posted when my girlfriends were in town. I think quite a few friends of mine read this. Hoping someday ex-boyfriends will google me and find Manic Mom and read all about me and think "Wow, and to think I let her get away!" Ha!

17. How old is your blog?
I've been blogging one year in December and it is so addicting.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?
I don't get 1000 page views a day. I think I average 200-400 though, which is pretty cool. I'm at 22,000 hits now, but that's not from when I started cuz I couldn't figure out how to put a tracker on.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?
Yes, it's called: Manicmomisadepressedsluttyliar.blogspot.com.


20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?
No but I often offer sexual favors. KIDDING.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?
Money, what money?

22. Is blogging narcissistic?
It's therapy. Here's a question for you--"Is reading blogs voyeristic?"

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?
No, just the opposite, like right now my poor son is upstairs coughing up a lung and here I am, blogging my heart out.

24. Do you like John Mayer?
Totally, totally, totally. Love the song... shit, what's it called, it's on my itunes... Oh yeah, Body is a Wonderland. I even blogged about that song once. And the highschool song is pretty cool too.

25. Do you have enemies?
Anyone? Anyone? Beuhler?

26. Are you lonely?
Nope.

27. Why bother?
See answer #22.

P.S.--Did I get you on number 19?

Confessional Tuesday

Okay, I'm going to confess something every Tuesday. It might be something really juicy, or really something I just shouldn't share, but I'm going to confess to something every Tuesday, and if you feel like a cleansing is necessary on your part, please, send me a confession in the comments.

Here's my confession:

I sleep with a Woobie.

I haven't always; in fact, I have only had this particular Woobie for a few years, but I love it. It's an off-pink color, not quite pink, not quite purply, almost a dusty mauve, and I think I got it at TJ Maxx a while back. It's got a homemade feel to it, like it's crocheted and sometimes I stick my fingers through the holes of it when I sleep. Or I spoon my Woobie, or wrap it around my body before I snuggle into my bed and get under the real covers. It comforts me. I love my Woobie.

There. My confession. What's yours?