Just Something.
She got up to take a shower, kissing him before she left the bed. Hell, she would play the same game. Let’s see if he can hold out, she thought. She kissed him deeply, their morning breath mingling, and then she got out of bed, but he reached for her as she got up, touched the smooth skin of her back, tried to pull her back to him. This was what she wanted. But instead, she got up and left for the shower. She knew he was hard with wanting, but more than her wanting him, she was mad at being rejected, and now she wanted him to feel what she had felt. Rejection. This was a game she could try to play.
But what was the point? If they desired one another, why couldn’t they just say so, to say, I want you, I want to be with you. I’m ready for you again. Why couldn’t he just open up to her, as she had to him.
She kissed him lightly one last time, and he rested his chin on her shoulder, and she felt him inhale her deeply, so much so, that it gave her goosebumps. A chill of want.
Purposefully, she kept the door open to the bathroom, made the water extra hot, as steamy as she could stand it. She had hoped he would join her. She soaped her skin slowly, deliberately, taking her time so he would know that she was waiting for him. She took her hair into her hands and lathered until her hands were filled with suds. She felt happy, and giggled.
The shower curtain withdrew a bit.
“What’s so funny?” He asked, searching her face.
She didn’t feel shy to have him look at her body as she bathed. You would think a private person would shy away from having someone stare so intently at her nakedness, but she stood there, waiting. To see if he would come to her. She purposefully stood up straighter, showing off her breast, her hips, her tummy, and she took the soap and began washing again. He just grinned at her, and just when she thought he would join her, instead, he brought his hand up and wiped just above her eyebrow.
“Soap almost in your eye,” he said. “Hurry up, okay?”
She took her fingers and made a splash gesture at him, sprinkling him with water.
“Fucker,” she said and grinned.
He laughed at her. This would have been the perfect moment for him to say it, to say that he was crazy in love with her, to tell her how much he meant to her, to finally be honest.
He let go of the shower curtain, and then she heard the bathroom door close shut.
posted by MaNiC MoMMy™ @ 2:18 PM
21 Comments:
You. Need. To. Stop. Teasing. Me!
More? Please?
Anna - It might be.
Erin - I guess that means I need to keep writing as there is no more yet!
Hey Anon 11:53, thanks for your thoughts, but don't call me Babe. Let me know when you're willing to share any of your work. K?
And I don't think you're mean, and you're completely entitled to your opinion, just as I am completely entitled to delete your comment if I don't like it, but I'm not going to. You have a right to say what you feel. I appreciate you stopping by, and thanks for posting.
I hope that wasn't a reality check, and that it was part of your book. If it was real please talk to him. Men are oblivious way too often. Print it out and leave it somewhere for him to find, or just hand it to him. It'll be way to easy to go down the wrong road of silence.
Pops, not real. Fiction. And according to all-knowing Anon, bad fiction! LOL.
I just quote this bit as it doesn't quite read right:
"He laughed at her. This would have been the perfect moment for him to say it, to say that he was crazy in love with her, to tell her how much he meant to her, to finally be honest."
The context changes towards the end. It goes from him saying it, to her saying it "to tell her how much he meant to her".
Of this extract I feel it is a little mills and boon but then I haven't the rest of the book to judge it by. Two pieces of advice I was given for writing a novel:
1 never read what you have written until you have finished (or finished the majority) otherwise you get caught up in the minutia thus disrupting the creative flow.
2 never let others (even family) read your work until you finish because (as can be seen by your reaction to anonymous ) critique be it constructive or otherwise can be hurtful when that creative process is tentative as it is.
Not that I have written a book though, although I do intend to.
Your rant about money and outgoings came across a little bit teenage and well, it was irksome.
Feel free to drop by, I have nothing to hide but I do hope you took my (considered) comments the way they were intended.
Dammit, Steph!! I told you not to write about my husband!! And your critics are harsh considering this is A BLOG, not the freaking RANDOM HOUSE EXCERPT AWARDS. (Not that that exists). I loved it. I hope this is evidence of a new WIP for you. And gosh, I still get that 'oohhh, that's BAD!!!' childlike feeling of accidentally peeking at porn when you use the word 'hard'. :) You rock. Hard.
I left an excerpt on my site so all you manic-mom-pickers could have someone else to pick on. Go ahead. give it a shot. But be bold enough to post a link to your own work. If you must post nastily anonymously, at least be creative and use big words.
anyone that calls a stranger "babe"... anonymously... has seriously got to go.
"If you must post nastily anonymously, at least be creative and use big words."
This is seriously the most fun ever. When you have anonymous, poorly-written comments, rewrite them and post suggestions as to how grammar can be improved, as well as making the insult more witty. It's just too fun for words.
Oh, and nice exceprt, Stephanie.
Hi Tobias--I appreciate your critique, really. This piece was just a free-form, write-what-you-feel-like writing, without taking grammar and context into consideration.
I completely agree that I should just keep doing the writing and then let the editing come later. I've heard/read somewhere that the inner editor gets in the way of the creative process. Agree?
Maybe I shouldn't be so open to sharing stuff on the blog, because you're right, criticism can hurt, but really, how legitimate is it when you don't know who is criticizing and WHY they are criticizing anonymously? But, it's a blog, and if I allow annonymous postings, then they have a right to post. I'm glad you didn't post annonymously though, as I took your critique more seriously than the "pile of crap" critique, and for all I know, you could have been the anon poster? I don't think so though...either way... I'm rambling.
If my rant about credit card lockdown was irksome and teenagish, you've a right to feeling that way as well, but that was how I was feeling at the time, and I like to incorporate humor in my posts, so maybe it was not read the way it was intended by me?
What do you mean about "outgoings"? I didn't know what you meant?
I did stop by your blog, thanks for posting non-anon, and I think I took your comments as intended, and you are probably a nice person.
Stephanie, I am offended that you could even consider my name as being previously posted under that of "anonymous". I feel that my conclusions and subsequent arguments were well put together and involved much time on my part. I feel that knowing the persons name is irrelevant, if the comments carry any weight. By knowing my name, you know nothing more of my life or experience or indeed expertise in your field. If you get in the ring (i.e. on the web) some punches are going to hurt and some even, may be below the belt. I would also argue that unlike those that I presume post quite regulary that my comment was at least constructive and true. How many are just paying you lip-service?
"Outgoings" another term for bills, gas, electricity, satellite subscription etc.
I would also say that the "anonymous" comment having encorporated the word "babe" implies a familiarity. It could therefore be one of those that visit regualary and feel that they know you somewhat.
"incorporated"
Oh, I get it.
interesting writing - that actually taps into a very difficult emotion to tap into
the games that some people play with each other are difficult to understand
well done
I think that your piece was entertaining and I don't think people should criticize something that you wrote in your blog. It is your blog and you are entitled to write what ever you want and if they don't like it or feel like it is teenagerish they shouldn't read your blog. Keep writing Steph and don't let what other people say bother you, you are a good writer!
Mommy! Thanks for posting and saying such nice things about your daughter. You know I love you mom. Just don't read any more of this blog, like the one how I lost my virginity in your bedroom ON your birthday! Love you mommy!
I don't know if you were serious about thinking your Mom wrote that but it wasn't her. Other people think you are great besides her.
Dad??
I really liked it, but then I love ya lady.
I think ppl that take the time on a blog to be so assholic are just jealous. (LOL well thats what I tell myself!)
Keep up the writing!!! I want more!
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