Dukes of Hazzard

Remember that show? Well, I just re-enacted one of the many scenes in the show. The ones where the Dukes are being chased by that fat deputy or whoever he was, and so the guys are speeding away from them in that red car of theirs, with Daisy Duke in the backseat yelling, "Yeee-hah!" as they soar over dirt hills, barricades, and swerve other such Dukes of Hazzardy obstacles.

Well, it was kind of like that, but without the fat cop, the Dukes driving, and the chick in the back seat yelling, "Yeee-hah!"

Instead, there were my three kids in the back seats, my brother in the front seat, whom I had just picked up from O'Hare International. I have an I-Pass, which is one of those things that allow you to just go through the toll booths. I see the lane marked I-Pass and continue cruising through, at a fairly normal speed (you know the ones that tell you to slow to 30 as you go through).

I thought I was in the "keep-traveling-at-a-safe-speed, but-no-need-to-make-a-complete-stop" lane. I was wrong.

Before I could brake, I noticed the orange bar at the toll booth that goes up once you put your money into the toll-money-thingamagig, but not before I realized I would be crashing directly into it, possibly shattering my front windshield, setting off my airbags and causing my children to never get into an automobile with me again.

So, I did what I thought would be the rationale thing to do and swerved just a bit to the right, thinking I could miss the bar, that, as I realized I was driving, was actually, slowly, painfully slowly, beginning to lift up.

I swerved, and managed to run my car up on the concrete whatever-that-thing-is, near the toll booth right next to the one I just went through, at a speed obviously higher than what is supposed to be for a lane that has a bar that must ascend upward as the car goes through.

Fortunately, and I will forever thank God for this one, there was not a humongous 18-wheeler pulling out of the lane next to me, for my tire... kind of, maybe, just a tiny bit, exploded (?) Maybe? and went puhpuhpuhpuhpuhpuhpuh flat. Fast.

And fortunately, and I will forever thank God for this one, my young brother was there to guide me over to the shoulder, and fortunately, (again thanking God) since we were just pulling out of the toll booth, there was not a ton of traffic whizzing by at that section of 294-South. And, go ahead, say it with me, "Fortunately, and I will forever thank God for this one," my brother knew where the spare tire is kept in a minivan, and has had the good fortune to have had to change a tire before. Otherwise, I would still be stuck on that shoulder at 294, probably bawling my head off all the while trying to keep my children from doing the same.

And, lastly, fortunately, ... I have a very, very dear friend who runs a Firestone, and we were home by 11:30 a.m., complete with a brand-new tire on my front right side of the car. (Sidenote--we just had four brand-new tires put on the minivan less than two months ago, and another sidenote--you are finding out all about my little Dukes of Hazzard's adventure before dear Hubby even knows. And the only way he'll find out before I figure out a sweet and somber way to give him the news, is if he reads my Blog prior to coming home from work, or if he checks the MasterCard charges online and sees I've just spent $100 at Firestone.

And, in keeping with the "I-should-win-an-award-for-being-the-best-damned-mom-in-the-world" theme, I am now letting my children play outside in their swimsuits in the pouring rain. I hope there's no lightning.

"Yeeee-hah!"