I'm Such A Frigging Idiot

Okay, so you know how you just start Googling people and of course, you're going to Google your exes to see what you can find out about them, not because you're unhappy in your own very secure and loving marriage of almost twelve years, or because you're a bored and strung-out housewife addicted to anti-depressants and Xanax, chasing after three kids, because I most certainly am not unhappy, unloved, insecure, high-strung, addicted, bored--or a housewife for that matter (just check out all the dirty laundry, dusty windowsills, and the barren refrigerator).

Well, I found two exes online complete with photos (definitely not my first choices to find, but hey, the ones that got away, really got away!). Like an idiot, I decide to send an email to one of them telling him he'll NEVER guess who the email is from.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I'm a complete idiot because as soon as I sent the email, I was thinking, "Hey, wonder what comes up in Google when I put in my email address?"

[Bang head hard onto table a number of times here and scream!]

Yes, my website, Blog, all the articles I've ever written all come up under my personal email address. So, I guess I can never become a professional stalker. Don't I have more important things to do in my life right now instead of tracking down an ex who probably doesn't even consider himself an ex of mine...

...we interupt this train of thought for another thought, so hold that thought please and consider this thought:

because really, if I lined up all the guys who I considered "actual" boyfriends and asked them if they considered me a real girlfriend, I bet there's like only one or maybe two who would say yes, that we had what you would have called a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. I just wonder which two liked me enough to really consider me a girlfriend...(Wouldn't that be a FUN thing to do!?!?!)

Anyway, back to the regularly scheduled post:

...Don't I have more important things to do in my life right now instead of tracking down an ex who probably doesn't even consider himself an ex of mine... someone who I met on spring break in Daytona freshman year in college, who asked me to iron his stupid white T-shirts before class (slap myself on the head because yes, I frigging did it - note - I HAVE NEVER ironed Scott's shirts, probably because of that previous situation with said ex), and who, after deciding it was the right time to 'give myself completely' to him, ends up boinking another chick that same night after I left his house. And no, I'm not bitter about this, in fact, I'm laughing at the complete humor and oddity in the whole situation because it's just so damned funny!

I even have a journal full of the complete romance, so Ex baby, if you've found me, and if you've even got half a brain (which of course, we know you don't because you had me iron T-shirts--oh wait--That means I don't have half a brain because I did it for you!--and you kind of dumped my ass, which makes me think you really didn't have half a brain), then you most certainly did find me, and if you want, I'd love to show you all the cute little heart and Cupid drawings I did in my journal when we were "courting" each other!

So hon, call me babe, and we can catch up on the past 17 years. You'll probably get a kick out of all the things I remember, because Baby, this mind of mine is a goldmine of memories, like remember the time I got so drunk at Glen's and Stever's party from SoCo and I ended up in your bed, after we were no longer an "item", but nothing happened and the next morning when I woke up, I said, "So, I guess this means we're still friends?" Sooo many memories to share, I just can't wait! Call me hon! Kiss, kiss, hug, hug!