Manic Mom On 20/20?

Okay, so I get a phone call today from a number that doesn't register on my Caller ID and I stifle the urge to not answer it, and then answer it anyway. Because, you know, I like to talk to strangers, especially strange solicitors.

Woman on Phone: "I'm sure you've gotten quite a few calls like this, but are you the Stephanie Elliot from Woodridge who was quoted in Parents magazine?"

"Yeah." (Not really. No one has called. No one is beating down my door for words of infinite wisdom. Of course, the issue is October, and it's only September.)

And already, I have a sense that it's Demi Moore on the other line, set up by Ashton to PUNK me. Ashton's always trying to get back at me for dumping him when we were in high school. The kid is out of control. Can't he just live happily with Demi and his millions now and let me be?

Turns out, the person calling is someone from ABC NEWS who read my quote in Parents, and they are doing a segment on "Striving to Be The Perfect Parent" that is slated to air in November, and she wanted to know if I'd be interested in talking with a producer and possibly have 20/20 come into my home, follow us around, see if I really do need the drugs. And she asked if I could give them the exclusive interview, as if I am expecting NBC, FOX, CBS and God knows who else to be banging down the door. But, hey, 20/20 chick, you've got the exclusive baby, and I'll tell you anything you wanna know!

So, I of course, call the number back later, just to confirm it's not Ashton and Demi and Rumor and Scout, playing a cruel joke on me, and it's not. It's really the person she said she is, and really from ABC in NYC.

A million thoughts run through my mind, and I have to laugh at the prospect of someone following me around all day long. I think they would love the fact that my seven-year-old son has to WAKE ME UP in order for him to get to school on time; that I have to make chocolate chip pancake sandwiches in order for Diva to eat; that I lounged around for an hour with Tukey watching Dora and Blues Clues (both episodes I hadn't seen!); that I had to put on Tukey's shoes four times and threaten him to keep them on before I took him to preschool; that I then had to sit in the "viewing room" at preschool for ONE-AND-A-HALF hours of my TWO HOURS OF FREE TIME torturing myself by watching Tukey cry because he didn't want to be there today; that I had to ground Ajers for exaggerating and doing something else he knows he's not supposed to do (which, in turn, turned out to be a good thing, because since he didn't go outside, he didn't get all sweaty so he didn't need his nighttime shower tonight), that I actually made something that resembled dinner tonight, but not before all three kids requested AND RECEIVED bowls of Peanut Butter Crunch (Ajers), Cinnamon Life (Tukey), and a mixture of PB Crunch and Cocoa Puffs (for Diva) before the dinner was actually served; and that Tukey is now fast asleep in his birthday outfit gear from his aunt and uncle, complete with reversible ski jacket and cargo pants instead of a simple pair of Rescue Hero jammies.

Oh yeah, if they show up on this doorstep, they might have to make it a two-hour special!

Then, I'm thinking, Oh wow, what if the Ex reads about me/sees us on television; how the hell am I going to make this house 'television-worthy' and most importantly, how the hell can I lose twenty pounds before a camera crew arrives??!?!?!? Shit--THIRTY--doesn't the camera add an extra ten. I'm screwed.

I'm sure nothing will come from this, but if it does, everyone will have to agree that it pays to be Manic Mom! (I hadn't even told the ABC person calling that my alter ego is Manic Mom!)

Keep Ya Posted.