Desperate for a Latte

So, to preface this post, all names have been changed, except for mine of course.

I call up my friend and ask if she wants me to come over this afternoon after I drop Diva at school. And I could bring coffee.

"But, Frank wants to have a nooner," she says.

"What?"

"Yeah, we're talking about communicating more, so that means more sex."

"Okay, so he gets home at 12. I'll come by at 12:15 with coffees... that should give you plenty of time, right?"

(Hilarious laughter ensues between the both of us.)

"Or, I could come by at noon, and we can give him what every man wants--a threesome."

(More hilarious laughter ensuing.)

"Okay. Well, do you want me to come over and pick up Cole?" I ask

"Oh yeah, I didn't even think about that. How am I gonna have a nooner with a four-year-old hanging around the house."

"Okay, how about we do this. I'll come get Cole, take him to my house, you can have a couple hours with Frank. You know it will make for a much better weekend anyway, except once they get it, they keep wanting it, so it's not like it's going to keep him away for a while."

"True." Pause. "Do you have any champagne, I think I need a mimosa."

(I run to the fridge, and yep, I do have champagne, two bottles, one is Dom. As much as I love her though, I'm not donating my Dom for their nooner).

"Ok, I've got champagne. Do you have any sexy foods?"

"Foods?" she asks.

"You know, like chocolate covered strawberries?"

"I have chips."

"Chips?" I ask.

"Well, yeah, Frank doesn't like fruit. I could put chips on my boobs."

(more laughter)

"What? You like chips too," she says.

"What are you saying, that I want chips on my boobs?"

"No, just that if you had a choice, you would take chips over fruit."

"True," I said. "But only if they're barbeque."

We are sooo desperate housewives.